Record Sales, Minor PETA Rallies, Predicted With Snow Leopard
Analysts are predicting that Apple’s upcoming operating system, Snow Leopard, will sell five million copies upon its release at the end of the month. Snow Leopard was developed over a…
Gawd Bloimy: A Course In Linguistics
In a time where the governments and the general public are hot on the heels of the banking corporations, trying to instill more transparency into their dealings, it seems one…
Muslim Model to be Caned for Ramadan Fart
Malaysia abruptly granted a Ramadan reprieve to the first Muslim Malay woman to be sentenced to caning for farting, but insisted Monday that the thrashing would still take place after…
Swastika Outside Congressman’s Office Causes Envy
Washington, DC: The FBI and police were investigating outside Rep. David Scott’s district office in Georgia when it was discovered that a beautiful cobalt blue swastika was painted on his…
Chevy Volt Confuses MPG Specialists
This Tuesday, US automaker General Motors revealed the miles-per-gallon, or MPG, statistics for their upcoming new model, the Chevy Volt. According to their statistics, the vehicle will get "infinity plus…
Lady Gaga Rumor Protects Perez Hilton
In a rare occurence of celebrity gossip in the media, computerized voice/pop star Lady Gaga has been rumored to be a hermaphrodite. The rumor began to spread when, at the…
Funny People: Not Quite So Funny
-A backstage look at stand-up comedians: CHECK -References to Delaware: CHECK -Jokes about mainstream teen sitcoms: CHECK -A heart-wrenching look into the lonely life of a celebrity comedian: ...huh?
Letter of the Week: 8-8-09
I'm not sure if Ulysses is our biggest fan, or biggest hater. His words sound like what I say every time I see a new Stephen Dorff movie, The Phantom…
Tiger Woods Caught Farting, Eating
This past week, the general public was disgusted and distraught due to a scandal involving Tiger Woods. Thanks to the stellar reporting of distinguished reporters at the reputable TMZ website,…
Slick Willie Mistakes Journalists for Party Girls
The free world was once again saved by the cunning linguistics of former President of the United States Bill Clinton, when he negotiated the release of two journalists from North…