Holy crap… I just became my parents.

Every generation believes they have discovered the concept of music; that nobody before them or after them understands music like they do. They find songs full of anger or angst or burning, passionate love unlike anything else ever experienced before. They find lyrical poets who express sentiments more profoundly than any other human in the history of mankind. They go to their room, then they play those lyrical poets with the volume cranked up to 11, to fully embrace the sonic majesty of their new-found love…

And their parents start yelling, “SHUT THAT GODDAMN NOISE POLLUTION OFF!”

So they grumble and groan and turn the speakers down, muttering that their parents “just don’t understand” and that they would NEVER do something like that to their kids.

But someday down the road, years in the future, they will turn on a radio station or listen to a CD that kids are in love with and say, “What the hell is this? This isn’t music! This is crap!”

Today, for me, the cycle has begun again.

To be fair, I knew fuck-all about the Deftones before I heard their latest album, Diamond Eyes. I thought, based on the name, that they were some sort of jazzy, neo-swing band of some sort. It turns out they are actually a rock band. Well, they’re a band of individuals who bang on their instruments and yell really loudly. So if that makes them a “rock band” to kids these days, well, who am I to argue? All I know is, when I put their music onto my new-fangled smartyphone and played their mp-whatzits, all I heard was some really angry-sounding guy shouting in my ear.

I wish I could tell you about their deep lyrics, but I couldn’t make out a word they said. I tried doing that Googly thing on the Interwebs to find the words to the song, but I guess my router couldn’t IP my DNS to my baud rate or something. And I’d talk about their varied melodies and intricate musical styling, but I couldn’t tell any of the songs apart. For all I know, they just played the same three songs over and over again.

Their tracks have titles like “Rocket Skates” and “Beauty School” and “Sextape.” All I know is that they’re no “Rocket Man” or “Beauty School Dropout” or “Sex Type Thing” from back in the day. THOSE were songs, my friend. You could hear the harmonies, you could tell what they were singing about, and you didn’t have people thrashing their heads around, banging on stuff. You went to a show, you paid your $5, and you were surrounded by polite folks who wanted to hear good, decent music too.

I’m sure you kids will love this crap. I’m sure you’ll think every song was written just for you, and that the song writer gets you, deep down in your soul like nobody else does. Me, I’ll go for something intelligible and meaningful… like Bob Dylan singing about Rainy Day Women… but just #12 and 35.

Song you should pay $1 for iTunes, rather than downloading for free: Wait. You can pay a dollar and get a song? Really? You don’t have to buy the vinyl?

Rating: 2 Gramophones.

7 thoughts on “Review of Deftones: Diamond Eyes”
  1. time will see us realign
    diamonds rain across the sky
    shower me into the same

    Their bass player was in a coma when they wrote the title track. I think its about metaphysical concepts that are probably out of your depth since you’re a moron.

  2. You are a fucking idiot. Take the time to actually listen to them, I guarantee you your opinion will change

  3. Well the fact that you’ve “heard fuck all about them, until you heard their latest album” says it all really.

    Try not having the attention span of a fish and do some research before you throw around rash insults at an attempt to be hilarious. You sounded like grandad telling dad to turn off the Sex Pistols, you damn punks! I suggest you go back to being young and open. Try tackling the shit in the charts next time.

    They’ve also been around since the late 80’s.


  4. They’re actually a very down to earth bunch of guys with a very complex sound that’s not just laid out on the table. You actually have to try to figure out what he’s really singing about. It makes things more interesting and alive.

  5. Clearly you know nothing about Deftones and I find your review absolutely pointless. You think they just bang on their instruments like monkeys? You have no clue how talented these guys are as musicians.

    They most certainly do not play the same sounding song over and over. Each song is clearly different and has unique elements from each band member. And yes the lyrics are deep, poetic, and emotive.

    I doubt you listened on good speakers. Playing low quality “mp-whatzits” on a “smartyphone” is no good way to listen to music at all.

    This review is crap. You have no clue how creative the Diamond Eyes album really is. You’re obviously not a Deftones fan so why did you even write this review? Just to complain and bitch about music that doesn’t even matter to you? Take a rocket back to 1972 and be quiet. No one cares about what you don’t like.

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