Pitbull On Schedule to Release Another Piece of Shit Album
Fans of corporate and thoughtless music rejoiced today in the news that Pitbull is on schedule to release yet another giant piece of shit.
Jack White’s Ego to Release Solo Album
After several years of notable collaboration, Jack White’s Ego announced he is splitting with his mentor in favor of making his own music.
Study: Hurricane Researchers Really Don’t Know Women
In a recent study on the study of how the gender of a hurricane's name affects the public's fear of the storm, it has been found that most researchers don't…
Space Tollbooths Unveiled by Transit Authorities Following Progress of SpaceX
With the unveiling of Dragon V2 by SpaceX, the combined efforts of multiple transit authorities in the United States such as the MTA, CTA, METRO, and MBTA have unveiled a…
Google’s Self-Driving Cars Kidnapping Testers, Exhibiting Emotions
Google has halted production on their line of self-driving cars after the prototypes reportedly started becoming self-aware.
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 5-26-2014
Your future never looked so horrible. Trust Moonbeam Crenshaw. He reads the stars better than words.
Local Man Forgets About Memorial Day
For local resident Charles Montgomery, this Memorial Day was all but remembered as he found himself locked outside of the office building he visits daily for work.
Chipotle Asks Customers Not to Bring Their Ancient, Mystical Weapons Into Restaurants
Chipotle Mexican Grill has formally requested that customers leave behind their ancient weapons of unspecified mystical power when eating at their restaurants.
Pistorius to Undergo Psych Evaluation to Prove He Is Crazy for Killing Extremely Hot Girlfriend
Oscar Pistorius will undergo a month-long psychiatric evaluation to prove he is crazy for killing his extremely hot girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp.
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 5-19-2014
Your future never looked so horrible. Trust Moonbeam Crenshaw. He reads the stars better than words.