Hollywood/Chicago: The beat goes on for Charlie Sheen. Now content with taking only the drug known as ‘Charlie Sheen’, Sheen has traded his addiction to drugs and hookers in for an addiction to caffeine and further lunacy.
Unfortunately, someone always has to take things too far, and spoil the fun for everyone. This year, 23 year old Manhattan resident Stacey Fueller was the culprit. At about 1:45pm, Miss Fueller was found by police engaged in one of the most explicitly vulgar activities the holiday had ever been a part of, an act so heinous that society could forever be changed: Miss Fueller was found absolutely sober in the afternoon of St. Patrick’s Day.
I have to admit, I am not a regular strip club visitor. If I think back really hard, I may need both hands to count out the amount of times I’ve found myself in one. What I do have is the experience of a wide spectrum of “gentlemen’s clubs”. Full nudity shack where you have to bring your own alcohol and the girls strangle guys who get too close to their cootch? Thank you, fraternity rush week. Place where everyone is Russian and they play techno or 80s pop? Check. Skeevy dive that I had to drag out to guests from a house party because I got a call from the bouncer? Of course.
Las Vegas, NV: In an effort to lock up more of the elite fighters in the sport of mixed martial arts(MMA), Dana White and company haved officially purchased Showtime’s Strikeforce, a non-pay-per-view fight night that, unlike Affliction, undercut UFC viewers on nights that both companies had a fight card.
While many believed Paltrow may end up in an all-nude hippie march on the White House after marrying Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and naming their first child Apple Blythe Alison and their second child Moses Bruce Anthony, the actress continued to stay the course, working on films such as Running with Scissors and the Iron Man franchise. Tragedy struck, however, when Gwyneth Paltrow wrote a song for the unknown film Country Strong, which then led to recording sessions, on role on the FOX musical Glee, a performance at The Grammy’s, and the possibility of a full length album.
Los Angeles, CA: For anyone who has ever seen the show “Two-and-a-Half Men”, one of the most visually enduring aspects of Charlie Sheen’s character is, besides the booze, probably drugs, promiscuous sex, love-hate releationship with his family, and everything else that made this show more a Charlie Sheen documentary than sitcom, was his bowling shirts.
New York, NY: For years, Kyle Travers has been a self-proclaimed indie music afficionado. When he first heard Sonic Youth’s “Bull In the Heather” at 14 years old. He was a die-hard Green Day fan for 2 years until they released their chart-topping album “Dookie”. He smashed his records, called Billy Joe Armstrong a sell-out, and never mentioned the band again. This decade’s band that has caused the music snob grief is Death Cab for Cutie, and rightly so by pretentious indie fanboys’ standards.
Odessa, FL: John Higginbottom, 30, just celebrated his 10th year working for Wal-Mart and could not be happier. To mark the occasion, he purchased a dozen cupcakes from his store’s bakery and shared them with several employees in the break room on Tuesday afternoon. The cupcakes were gone in a matter of minutes and his fellow employees were very thankful for his longevity and sharing of baked goods.
The Administration has stated that it will no longer use Federal resources to engage in court battles defending what one Administration member called the archaic institution of marriage. This is thought to create the beginnings of a slippery slope that could result in marriage between two men, two woman, a liberal and a conservative, a man and an animal, a woman and an animal, and any other crazy combination of mammalian species.