Groundhog Predicts Early Spring: Pennsylvanians Get Naked
Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog of revelation, left his hole this morning, slipped on the ice, crashed head-first into a tree, and didn't see his shadow in the frozen tundra that…
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 1-31-2011
Moonbeam Crenshaw can't see the stars through a snowstorm, but he's reading them anyway!
Drinking Through Alternative Body Parts
It seems that the kids here in the UK have a drinking problem: they're pouring alcohol into their eyes. This activity, known as 'Vodka eyeballing' is fast becoming a firm…
Study Suggests Eating a Big Breakfast Can Lead to Weight Gain
Munich, GERMANY: The Nutrition Journal recently published a study that suggests that eating a large breakfast regularly can lead to weight gain. Meanwhile, the public, specifically the American public, has…
NFL Powder Puff Picks: Pro Bowl
Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Who cares about the Pro Bowl? Well, no one. But in case you were planning on placing a bet on this…
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 1-24-2011
Moonbeam Crenshaw returns to show how he illiterately reads the stars.
Teenagers Replace Adopted Children Accessory with Own Children
Memphis, TN: Frayser High School has finally, after years of competing with Elvis Presley's Graceland, become well-known as a tourist attraction. Unfortunately, its claim to fame is not for academics,…
NFL Powder Puff Picks: Conference Championships
Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! It's the Conference Championships! The winners go to the Super Bowl! The losers go to the Pro Bowl! Tom Brady will…
Rep. Giffords Gives Husband Back Rub: General Male Population Astonished
Tucson, AZ: Chivalry may be dead, but that doesn't stop some women from reciprocating with their own form of chivalry, even if that means fighting through an induced coma and…
Surgeon General Places Warning on NY Jets Fans
Flushing Meadows, NY: Jets fans, not generally known for their intellect, have been issued a stern warning from the Surgeon General of the United States, Regina Benjamin. This was in…