Easter Cards: When Zombie Jesus Jokes Won’t Cut It
In honor of the rabbit-hunting holiday, we felt obligated to release some holiday cards that did not help the oversaturation of the Zombie Jesus joke. This is not to say…
Hate Crimes Begin Over Differing Gut Bacteria
Racism and prejudice in general were dealt a mighty blow recently, as scientists confirmed that human beings each harbor one of at least three different groupings of stomach bacteria. Much…
Ask An Owl: Wax-On, Wax-Off Philosophic in Science Class
Who knows why the sun shines on empty? To figure out who in their right mind would even think of such a question and, by default, who would know the…
Clinton Reminisces On a Times Square with Normal Prostitutes
New York, NY: Drugs; prostitution; public urination. These are just a few of the activities that made the Times Square of the past so interesting. Sometimes all three activities could…
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 4-11-2011
Moonbeam Crenshaw finds a clear night, and shows his illiteracy with the stars.
Born Again Roethlisberger Says No to Living with Fiancee, Yes to Hookers
Pittsburgh, PA: In one of the clearest signs yet of Ben Roethlisberger’s futile attempts to change his reputation, the Steelers quarterback has told a Pittsburgh newspaper that his new religious…
Budget Crisis Averted; White House Gift Shop Saved
Washington DC—This week, members of US Congress worked out a deal to keep the government running while details of the federal budgets were debated. While this deal keeps many minor…
Tech Geek Beats SiriusXM with Free Services, $50,000 Car System
Huntington, NY: In the world of the internet, he or she who has the most free toys, wins. One savvy techno-whiz, Paul Shenker, took this idea to the outer limits…
Ask An Owl: Fun with Radiation
Your fear of radiation, while probably well intended, is faulted. There is nothing wrong with having a few thousand rems flash through your body. Some say, "Oh, but I live…