Sequester Season: Tips for Falling off the Cliff
Washington DC: On Thursday, President Obama signed into effect the spending cuts known officially as the sequester and unofficially as the collapse of the American Empire. There were tear-filled eyes…
Andy Dick to Star in Andy Dick Biopic as Andy Dick
Los Angeles, CA: After three years of negotiation with Dreamworks, Hollywood Legend Andy Dick has finally agreed to star in an upcoming film about his life. According to sources, Steven…
Local Jerk Plans Itinerary for Titanic II
New York, NY: When the world learned that Australian billionaire Clive Palmer was building a replica of the biggest disaster to ever float through the sea, most people believed that…
Marco Rubio Pledges to be More Latino, Moist
Tallahassee, Florida: In a press conference today in his home state, Senator Marco Antonio Ricardo Carlos Velasquez Rubio announced that he was going “Full-Latino”, adding at the end of his…
Richard Sherman to Become Next Terrell Owens: Old Popcorn
Twitterverse, TWITTER: Few NFL athletes have inspired the amount of anger and disgust that Terrell Owens has. From players to coaches to fans, T.O. has succeeded in alienating just about…
State of the Union 2013: Obama and the GOP Find Common Ground in Finger-Pointing
Washington, DC: Obama’s state of the union speech and the GOP’s response agreed on a common point: That it’s all the other guy’s fault. Obama came out smiling and looking…
Businessman Sells Canned Air in China: Coca-Cola, Pepsi and Nestlé Vie for Patent
Beijing, CHINA: For many, the news that Chinese multimillionaire Chen Guangbiao was selling cans of pristine air in China followed with laughs usually leading to a reference to Mel Brooks’…
US Government Cites Lemon Law Against S&P
Los Angeles, CA: “Toxic” mortgages have long been one of the associated problems that helped jump-start the 2008 financial crisis. The United States government finally went into action against a…
Super Bowl XLVII Blackout Blamed on Terrorists, Beyoncé’s Dress
New Orleans, LA: On Sunday, a nation of viewers tuned in to witness two things unable to hold a charge, one expected and one unexpected. The expected power outage was…
Jon Stewart On Iran’s Space Monkey: ‘Dud’ Or ‘First All-Primate Orbital Cosmetic Surgery Spa’
In the aftermath of Iran’s announcement that the country’s space program succeeded in launching a monkey into space last week, skeptics had come forward in their belief that the mission’s…