MLB Baseball: Parody Rankings Week 1
The MLB season is set to begin this Sunday. On Easter. At the same time season 3 of Game of Thrones will premiere. So if that’s not enough to mock…
The Cynical Comedian’s View on Gay Marriage
While the Supreme Court justices decide how to vote to repeal Proposition 8 without looking too “gay”, and how to vote to keep Proposition 8 without looking too ridiculous, we…
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 3-25-2013
Fortune cookies are played out. Instead, live your life based on what I say. Trust me. I’m an astrologist. I have the on-line diploma to prove it. So, here are…
Bill Gates Offers $100k to Get Nerds Laid, Condoms
Seattle, WA: This week, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation announced a $100,000 grant to whoever can create the new generation of condoms. Gates, being the chairman of Microsoft, will…
Disney Versions of Star Wars and Other Lucas Films to Fear
When Disney first bought out Lucasfilm back in October, Star Wars fans cringed at the initial thought of the family-friendly animation juggernaut getting its hands on their reason for living.…
Mississippi Rallies Behind Obesity
Jackson, MS: This week, Governor Phil Bryant signed into law a ban on regulation of portion size and nutrition, officially endorsing Mississipians’ rights to eat themselves into a coma. The…
Jonathan Lipnicki Named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year
Decatur, IL: Jonathan Lipnicki, the diminutive star of Jerry Maguire and The Jeff Foxworthy Show has been named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year for 2013. Lipnicki, who at 22…
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 3-18-2013
Well readers, I’m back. After going to Psychic School for a year (yes, it IS a thing), I have returned to do what I do best: tell you how to…
Kim Kardashian May Not Be Kim Kardashian
Los Angeles, CA: As the divorce proceedings between Brooklyn Nets power forward Kris Humphries and unreality TV star Kim Kardashian continue, evidence has come to light that could prove that…
Vatican Selects New Old White Guy to Preside over Week of Media Relevancy
Vatican City, Italy: In a groundbreaking move, an enclave of cardinals selected a wrinkled old 76-year-old white man to replace their broken down 85-year-old white man. Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio of…