Anthropologists Uncover Missing Hillbilly Link of Evolution
New developments in the mating patterns of neanderthals point to hillbillies being the missing link on the evolutionary ladder.
Spoiled Rich Kids Cower In Terror of Affluenza Outbreak
It has now been learned that being a spoiled rich kid also comes with the genetic disposition to become afflicted with a harrowing condition known as affluenza.
Volcker Rule Requires Bankers to Pinky-Swear Not to Crash Economy
Washington, DC: Proponents of financial reform are celebrating the revised Volcker Rule, which imposes a strict requirement that the heads of the banking industry promise to never ruin the economy…
Christmas Songs for People Who Don’t Like Christmas Songs
Tis the season to get cranky, especially when it comes to Christmas songs. Here are some Christmas songs that you will never hear on the radio.
War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men
Look out, minorities. There's a new socially maligned group in the United States, and they're not going to take it anymore: rich, white, Christian men.
Signer at Mandela Memorial Apologizes for “Fat Space Omelette”
The sign language interpreter at the memorial for Nelson Mandela apologized for his recent misinterpretations such as Fat Space Omelette.
Volcker Rule Raises Eyes in Banks, Vegas
Las Vegas, NV: With the adoption of the latest Dodd-Frank financial overhaul law, dubbed "the Volcker Rule," set to be implemented in 2015, banks aren't the only companies scurrying for…
Lawmakers Pass Landmark Toy Gun Control Law
The Nerf Nerf™ Act, requires those interested in owning a toy gun to pass an extensive background check.
Santorum Compares Mandela’s Fight Against Apartheid to First World US Problems
Rick Santorum recently compared Nelson Mandela to the crusty old white men of Congress in a declaration of honor.
Paul Walker Death Apparently Not Related to International Street Racing Crime Sydicate
Paul Walker died in a car crash on Saturday, leading many to wonder if it had to do with a rival street racing team from Russia or China.