PETA Made Me Want to Eat Fish
So PETA has launched a new campaign to stop people from fishing and eating fish. Their plan is to rename fish "Sea Kittens" and yes, it is for real. This…
Bloomberg to Ban Public Gas Emissions
New York, NY: Michael Bloomberg, the über-rich mayor of New York City, has put forth another measure in an effort to decrease the air pollution levels in the Big Apple…
Coach Obama Rallies for Dungy
In a piece of news not wholly unexpected, Tony Dungy, head football coach of the Indianapolis Colts, retired Sunday after a 13 year coaching career. Dungy began his head coaching…
U.N. Deploys Sutherland to Gaza
The situation in Gaza Strip has alarmed the globe. Hamas radicals have fired Katyusha rockets into the nation of Israel after the Israeli demolition of trade tunnels used to transport…
Secret Service Unveils New Limo for Obama
At a White House press conference this morning, Secret Service staff revealed the new limo that will be used to transport Barack Obama from place to place. Dubbed the "Changemobile,"…
Palin Jealous of Kennedy’s Respect
Washington, DC: Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is lashing out at the press for what she perceives to be preferential treatment in regards to Caroline Kennedy’s bid for the soon-to-be empty…
Tourists Confuse Seacrest for Clark
During the New Year's Eve festivities at the illustrious Times Square of Manhattan, many international tourists were confused by the joint hosts, Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest. The confusion laid…
Chocolate Season
There is an unwritten, cyclical occurrence that takes place every year that I have coined the term "Chocolate Season" for. Starting somewhere around October 31st when tiny, plastic,anemic approximations of…
Jeff Bridges Eats Oscar
Jeff Bridges will be receiving an honorary Oscar for Best Cumulative Eating at the next Academy Awards ceremony. The Oscar will be presented by friend and fellow glutton, John Goodman.…
Scientist Links Smoking to Lung Cancer
After fifty years of research, scientists at Eastern West Virginia Community and Technical College believe that they have finally discovered a possible side effect to smoking – lung cancer. Though…