A Dork’s Guide to Shark Week
Shark Week is an interesting time. For seven days, a world is transfixed to The Discover Channel to learn, once again, everything there is to know about those silent predators…
Lochte VS Phelps to Continue After London Olympics
London, UK: Unfortunately, competition between two of the biggest Olympic stars does not end with the Olympics. Indeed, after gold medalist Ryan Lochte expressed interest in appearing on “Dancing With…
Lolo Jones Misses Olympic Medal After Switching Places with Rashida Jones
London, GREAT BRITAIN: With all of the controversy stemming from United States Olympian Lolo Jones and her heartbreaking bid for a medal in the 100-meter hurdles final, some believe her…
Fox News Announces New Tragedy-Seeking Technology
New York, NY: Fox News CEO and hot air balloon impersonator Roger Ailes recently announced the initiation of a new algorithm for finding the most tragic events around the US.…
You’ve Been Trumped, Trump!
Anthony Baxter’s soon-to-be released documentary, You’ve Been Trumped, is an unabashedly hostile portrait of a billionaire developer in action as he embarks on a grandiose project in Scotland. The $1.5…
While We Were Bored: Mars Landing
A lot can be said about NASA’s latest Mars landing: 1) Curiosity is having an exciting ride, at least, as much excitement as a robotic vehicle that missed the cut…
Totally Recalled: Replacement Parts
With the release of a new version of Total Recall, many questions arise as to how it will live up to the original. Will it be on Mars? Will there…
Chick-fil-A Decision for Muppets Recall Due to Safety of Heterosexuality
College Park, GA: The battle for the attentions of fast food consumers nationwide rages on, as Chick-fil-A has gotten more advertising for its ridiculously boring chicken and pickle sandwich then…
Breaking Dawn Part 2 Revised to Feature Maury Povich
Los Angeles, CA: In light of the recent scandal involving the screen couple turned Hollywood couple, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, fans and critics have been flooding the media with…
Political Who’s Who In The Dark Knight Rises: Liberal Idea of a Conservative Edition
**WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS DUE TO CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS** To say that there are political undertones in The Dark Knight Rises would be like saying Lucky Charms has sugar: you’d have to…