Blockbuster Reminds Customers of Existence by Closing Stores
Blockbuster, the home movie rental company that had introduced the American family to such historical relics as "VHS tapes" and "DVDs," surprised consumers by alerting them to the fact that,…
Vote to Extend Breaking Bad Goes Unheeded
The American public became just a bit more jaded by politics yesterday, as the most coordinated write-in vote in the history of US elections was left ignored.
Johnson & Johnson Discontinues Antipsychotics for Kids Line
Johnson & Johnson has announced its decision to suspend its effort to market antipsychotics to children.
Congress Celebrates Survival of Election Day 2013
Election Day 2013 went off with minor casualties yesterday, as all current members of the United States House of Representatives and the Senate were victorious in protecting their places in…
Russia Pleads for Snowden to Release Bogus Secrets on Website
To have Snowden performing analyses and maintenance on the site could allow the release of fake reports and foreign policy that would make Russia feared once again, by more than…
Scientists Celebrate Failure to Find Jack Shit in Dark Matter
Scientists were proud to exclaim that they haven't found jack shit in evidence of dark matter using the LUX.
Say It with Star Wars: Halloween
Sometimes it's hard to place Star Wars references into a holiday. Halloween is almost impossible.
Cat Fans Protest Internet Takeover by Giraffes
A virus has begun to spread at an alarming rate, a virus that just may threaten all that we love and hold dear. At least, what we love and hold…
Russell Brand to Kickstart Apathetic Revolution
In an interview with BBC News broadcaster Jeremy Paxman on Newsnight, erratic comedian-turned erratic political theorist Russell Brand symbolically fired the latest shot of a revolution. An apathetic, philosophical revolution,…
Most Emotionally Distant Galaxy Discovered
In an exciting discovery, astronomers based in Hawaii’s Keck Observatory have confirmed the existence of the “most emotionally distant” galaxy yet.