Recent Articles
Richard Sherman to Become Next Terrell Owens: Old Popcorn
Twitterverse, TWITTER: Few NFL athletes have inspired the amount of anger and disgust that Terrell Owens has. From players to coaches to fans, T.O. has succeeded in alienating just about everyone. Even the Buffalo Bills couldn’t stand him which, at the time, was akin to being cast away by the Kansas City Chiefs or Jacksonville [...]
Pistorius Legal Team Prepared to Use “The Crippled Defense”
Pretoria, SOUTH AFRICA: Double-amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius is no stranger to controversy. Born with fibular hemimelia (congenital absence of the fibula) in both legs, Pistorius had both of his legs amputated below his knees when he was 11 months old. Instead of succumbing to his handicap, Pistorius, played rugby, tennis, and water polo. When he, [...]
State of the Union 2013: Obama and the GOP Find Common Ground in Finger-Pointing
Washington, DC: Obama’s state of the union speech and the GOP’s response agreed on a common point: That it’s all the other guy’s fault. Obama came out smiling and looking natural even though he wasn’t allowed to roll up his sleeves. He shook his head at the Republicans in the room, pointed at them and [...]
Ned…Ryerson! Where is the Cast of Groundhog Day After 20 Years? BING!
For the past 20 years, the term Groundhog Day has been referenced by two activities: watching Punxsutawney Phil pop out of his hole in the ground to let us know how long winter will last, and watching Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day. Both viewings have become a holiday tradition, although the movie seems [...]
Businessman Sells Canned Air in China: Coca-Cola, Pepsi and Nestlé Vie for Patent
Beijing, CHINA: For many, the news that Chinese multimillionaire Chen Guangbiao was selling cans of pristine air in China followed with laughs usually leading to a reference to Mel Brooks’ Spaceballs. Some, however, could take the opportunity to make this environmental satire into reality. The world watched in awe as it learned that Chinese multimillionaire [...]
US Government Cites Lemon Law Against S&P
Los Angeles, CA: “Toxic” mortgages have long been one of the associated problems that helped jump-start the 2008 financial crisis. The United States government finally went into action against a major credit rating agency for the first time since this economic turbulence in filing a civil action against debt rating agency Standard & Poor’s. What [...]
Super Bowl XLVII Blackout Blamed on Terrorists, Beyoncé’s Dress
New Orleans, LA: On Sunday, a nation of viewers tuned in to witness two things unable to hold a charge, one expected and one unexpected. The expected power outage was the Baltimore Ravens in the second half. The unexpected one was the Superdome lighting. Fans were forced to endure thirty minutes of sports commentators explaining [...]
Jon Stewart On Iran’s Space Monkey: ‘Dud’ Or ‘First All-Primate Orbital Cosmetic Surgery Spa’
In the aftermath of Iran’s announcement that the country’s space program succeeded in launching a monkey into space last week, skeptics had come forward in their belief that the mission’s success was a hoax due to the differences in facial features of the monkey in photographs. The most glaring difference was that the monkey launched [...]
NFL Powder Puff Picks 2012: SUPER BOWL XLVII
Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some the greatest preview commentary in the world! That’s right, ESPN, we said it. The road to Super Bowl XLVII is littered with ridiculousness, and now we are at the gateway to [...]
Opponents to Women in Military Insist They’re Not Misogynists
All across the country, people have been reacting to Defense Secretary Leon Panetta’s announcement last week that officially rescinded the rule banning women from serving in combat positions. This decision came about due to an issue with the rule, namely that no one was following it. However, military protocol when dealing with an internal problem [...]
