Category: Entertainment
Happy Star Wars Speech Impediment Day!
Well, it’s May the fourth again and, for some fairly humorous reasons, is Star Wars Day. However, there is one reason that May the fourth was mixed up with “May the Force” that is rarely brought up: good, old-fashioned embarrassing speech impediments. Happy Star Wars Day, everyone!
Neil Patrick Harris Admits to Barney Character Acting
New York, NY: With the end of How I Met Your Mother on the horizon, Neil Patrick Harris recently came to terms with a screen rumor about his character in the series, Barney Stinson. Harris, the actor who played Doogie Howser in the 1990s and disappeared for nearly twenty years before appearing in the White [...]
Giant Cartoon Mau5head Slams Madonna for Drug References
Miami, FL: The conclusion of the Ultra Music Festival in Miami was business as usual when a man wearing a giant, bright pink cartoon mouse helmet accused the now literal “Material Girl” Madonna of being a bad role model by referencing the drug ecstasy. The reference in question came when Madonna addressed the attendees of [...]
Coroner Reports Whitney Houston Did Not OD on Soap Scum
Los Angeles, CA: After almost a month and a half of examination, blood testing, and the repetition of “I Will Always Love You” written by Dolly Parton, the LA Coroners Office released the official findings on the death of Whitney Houston. To the dismay of family, friends, and fans, the cause of the death was [...]
My Visit to Westeros: A Game of Thrones Mis-Adventure
It is obvious that I’m a fan of Game of Thrones. I have written character descriptions, comparing many of them to beer, and then more beer. I have practiced ways of proposing to Daenerys Targaryen, with or without dragons and with or without clothes. I got involved in a photoshop contest. But, it wasn’t enough. I needed more. Luckily, I found a cross-dimensional device that could very well help me get to Westeros, a place which my feeble nerd brain believed was not in the past, but in some weird, linear past where stunted men ran around screwing hot women, where political leaders were corrupt and suspicious, where Sean Bean would survive a movie or season. So with my hover-board, a photographer, a bit too much alcohol consumption, and a few hours in the desert surrounding Las Vegas, Nevada, I bring to you my trip to Westeros.
Unborn Snooki Monster Right on Time, Says Mayan Calendar
Jersey City, NJ: For years, skeptics and conspiracy theorists alike have debated the meaning and relevancy of the Mayan calendar. The ancient timeline, which ends on December 21st, 2012, has been touted as a prophecy for the end of the world; oceans will rise, the sun ill go out, and the moon will come crashing into the Earth’s atmosphere as the dark lord will emerge from a rotting womb(as we have interpreted the Book of Revelations.) It has also been rationalized as merely the end of a calendar, much like how people change from February to March, or 2011 to 2012. Unfortunately, rationale went out the window yesterday as one of the most relevant signs of the Apocalypse is coming true: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is pregnant.
Wet N’ Wild Westeros: A Game of Thrones Photoshop Contest
For those of you enticed by swords and shields, the Dragonborn, mad kings and maidens, and Sean Bean, this next month is more anticipated than Christmas as HBO’s Game of Thrones is set to release Season 1 on Blu-Ray and DVD on March 6th, and Season 2 premieres April 1st. Last year, we explained Game of Thrones using beer. While our own nod toward the next season will be just as epic, we wanted to get the rest of you in on the fun. Therefore, we are launching a photoshop contest based on Game of Thrones!
Abe Vigoda: Killing Death Pools for 91 Years
New York, NY: For years, reports of his death proved to be premature, over and over again. A website was erected in order to tell the world of his true status. His name is a running gag, so much so that this article may have jumped the shark a few years ago. Now, celebrations have begun as the perennial old man, Abe Vigoda, turned 91 years old today, beating out another group of celebrities in death pools worldwide.
Curt Schilling Reality Video Game Ready to Hit Shelves
Boston, MA: After over five years and almost $35 million, the impossible has happened: the Curt Schilling video game has arrived for computer and gaming consoles everywhere. Not to be confused with the medieval-based RPG that Curt Schilling’s new production company, 38 Studios, recently launched(Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning), this new first-person puzzle RPG lets gamers play as Curt Schilling during his retirement. Heralded as the epitome of reality gaming, Expert: 2012, as the Curt Schilling game is called, allows players to interact with active MLB players, retirees, officials, senators, and anyone else that you can get to listen to you in the hopes of gaining their trust, boosting your popularity, and finding your place in Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame.
An Idiot’s Guide to College Sex Week
When it comes to the word “sex”, the dirtier mind comes to certain conclusions no matter what other words are attached to it. Take the phrase, “Carnal Misinterpretations of Sex Week.” What word takes over your brain? Sex, of course. We’re all interested in it. Countless books and films have been released on the subject: what it is, how to do it, how to get it, how to pretend to get it in the privacy of your own home. So when one learns about Sex Week at Yale University, many ideas about what that actually means comes to mind. A college campus overrun with naked co-eds running around trying to get laid is by no means too far from the truth.
