Hollywood, CA – There was a time when dinner and a movie was a valid date, even for such a special date night as Valentine’s Day. But this year, Hollywood said, “No more” by rolling out a slate of movies that only the most awkward of couples could find romantic.

“Let’s be honest,” stated film producer Adam Flickmann. “Dinner and a movie has become this generation’s ‘let’s go for a drive.’ It’s a booty call with a receipt. And if you’re working a booty call for Valentine’s Day, chances are you just have to order in Chinese and whip it to accomplish that. No movie necessary.”

Deadpool: 20th Century Fox

The idea behind “dinner and a movie” has been losing its appeal on all levels of the dating spectrum. The combination is seen as dating dyslexia due to the idea that the movie could give dinner some talking points. But at the same time, it can be unnerving sitting in the dark with a total stranger for 2 hours, which is why “movie and drinks” hasn’t gained the steam it should.

In light of this dating paradox, Hollywood has decided to launch some of the least romantic movies for Valentine’s Day and the preceding weeks, which includes Kung Fu Panda 3, Fifty Shades of Black, Hail, Caesar!, and Zoolander 2.

The more awkwardly romantic films include Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Deadpool, Cabin Fever, and How to Be Single, which can be considered relationship tests for anyone brave enough to bring their significant others.

Hollywood did offer a reprieve for those with absolutely no idea of what to do for Valentine’s Day by tossing The Choice out to theaters for any couples stuck at a movie theater on Valentine’s Day due to force of habit.

Not everyone was excited by the prospects. “I’ve been taking my fiancee to dinner and a movie on Valentine’s Day for the past six years,” stated Michael Doranda. “It’s simple, but it works. Now all of a sudden I have to think about what to do, which means we’ll probably starve to death as I look through movie listings at libraries to find that one, semi-romantic movie that will make me look romantically mediocre.”

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.