Students Rally Against Progress
After more evidence surfaced for an additional element, students across the nation have banded together to protest the possible change to the periodic table, under the banner that they, “Don’t…
World Overreacts about Ben Affleck as Batman
Ben Affleck is the next incarnation of Batman, leading to the crying, complaining, and threatened harakiri of Batman fans across the globe.
First Carnivorous Mammal Species Discovered in 35 Years, Public Demands Adorable YouTube Videos
Upon the recent discovery of another carnivorous mammal species in the cloud forests of Ecuador and Columbia, considerable public demand for adorable YouTube videos of the animal, the olinguito, has…
LA Fights to Retain Crown of Worst Public Transportation in America
Having been recently bumped down to #2 in 2013’s national ranking of Worst Public Transportation in America by Knoxville, Tennessee, Los Angeles’ LACMTA service has vowed to regain the top…
San Diego Mayor Filner to Apologize for Not Harassing Prettier Women
San Diego, CA: In one of the oddest cases of sexual harassment in politics, San Diego Mayor Bob Filner has come under fire for the alleged sexual harassment of at…
Yelena Isinbayeva Keeps a Straight Face While Holding a Pole
Moscow, RUSSIA: In breaking news that has people both excited and disgusted at the same time, Russian world champion pole vaulter Yelena Isinbayeva spoke out against two Swedish athletes who…
Man Claims There is Nothing to Do, Entire Earth Exists Around Him
Chicago, IL: On a recent day off from work, Chicago resident Dale Woodruff claimed that there was “nothing to do” despite an entire Earth full of endless possibilities existing right…
Organized Crime Struggles to Stay Popular
Boston, MA: With the jury having all but a verdict in the trial of infamous Winter Hill Gang leader, Whitey Bulger, the glory days of American organized crime, having been…
Mayan Pyramid Holds Bieber Carvings, New End of the World Prophecy
Holmul, GUATEMALA: Just when you thought the world was over the Mayan calendar, archaeologists went and helped dig it up again, like the recent discovery of Mayan carvings in a…
Pope Francis Progressive in Catholic Church by Saying the Word Gay
New York, NY: The newly elected Pope Francis continued a recent string of high profile, unexpected statements on divisive issues for the Catholic Church recently by saying “Who am I…