Kim Kardashian Relinquishes New Jersey Nets Season Tickets
Newark, NJ: Yes, the rumors are true. Once a professional basketball fan that seemed to dwarf the likes of Jack Nicholson and Spike Lee in the art of player appreciation,…
Night of the Pumpkin: Reclaiming What Halloween is All About
When dealing with Halloween, you're also pitting yourself against one of the fab 4 of last century's late movie monsters: Michael Meyers. How can the holiday of Halloween ever be…
Michael Lohan Makes Statement for ‘Father of the Year’ Award
Los Angeles, CA: The father of Lindsay Lohan can be called many things: child-star coattail rider; drug addict; Lawn Guyland scum dumpster; Z-list celebri-whore. Finally, after the latest Lindsay-Tracker event,…
Tommy Lee Jones Reportedly Killed in Libya
Sirte, LIBYA: The world lost a legend today, as Libyan revolutionary forces surrounded the village of Sirte in a man-hunt for Tommy Lee Jones, who allegedly died in a shoot-out…
IndyCar Officials Place Speed Limits on Tracks
Las Vegas, NV: For some, IndyCar is synonymous with speed, precision, and cold-blooded racing techniques. For most, it is lumped in with NASCAR as "just another race car league." Officials…
Boring Sex Leads to Amnesia in 29-Year-Old Woman
New York, NY: For one of countless women, sex was boring and, literally, totally forgettable, once again. A continuing case study published in the September issue of the Glamour reported…
Halloween Costumes for the Poor and Sarcastic: 2011
Last year, we ended Halloween with a woulda/shoulda article on Halloween costumes we didn't see instead of going out and dressing ourselves up in those costumes. This is what happens…
Local Idiot Prepares for Canadian Thanksgiving
New York, NY: The holiday season is gearing up for its launch as Halloween looms closer. For one citizen, the holiday season is already here, as Paul Emmerlan prepares to…
People Reluctant to Support Fat Mess for Presidential Candidacy
Trenton, NJ: As the presidential hopefuls are beginning to take form in the Republican Party, one potential candidate has already become the elephant in the room. While it would seem…
While We Were Bored: Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox
It may be unfair to pick on Jacoby Ellsbury, but unfortunately he had the easiest meme to set up.