Infinite Hashtag Loop induced coma (Pixland/Thinkstock)
Infinite Hashtag Loop induced coma (Pixland/Thinkstock)

New York, NY— In what may be one of the most important events in the study of sociophysics, longtime social media guru Nancy Krupp found herself in an infinite hashtag loop that has made the paradox of time travel seem trivial.

“It started out like any other line of social media postings,” explained Krupp’s social media mentor Martha Smithson. “At first Nancy started off slow, posting life events like how she just woke up, #goodmorning, and followed it up with an Instagram picture of her at the time of waking, #nofilter #nomakeup. But as the day went on, Nancy was starting to cram more and more hashtags into my posts, cataloguing posts on so many levels that people searching hashtags of donkey feces would find a picture of the ground tofu burger that I burnt for lunch. Then she… oh, God…”

The unspeakable action that was to be Krupp’s event horizon was the posting of #hashtag, a social media anomally that sends the poster into an infinite loop that no one has ever recovered from. In the #hashtag loop, a post catalogues itself continuously until it reaches a point of social media singularity so that the original point of the post is lost by merging itself with all other social media posts ever posted.

“The interesting thing about a hashtag loop is that it doesn’t operate in time as we know it,” explained theoretical sociophysicist Stevie Hawkins. “A hashtag loop is time, reflecting all of the social media posts surrounding it to the point that you could potentially even see the future through the past. A hashtag doesn’t just create a timeline. It bends time itself.”

This social media time-bend may be exactly what Nancy Krupp has been caught in. Since releasing the #hashtag post, Krupp has been in a comatose state, so the idea that she is experiencing the past present and future at the same time is not inconceivable. Until she comes around, we won’t know for sure.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.