I have a soft, bloody spot in my heart for zombies. From the days of Lucio Fulci to when Romero was at his best to AMC’s The Walking Dead, zombie stories continue to excite me. Maybe I’m a sucker for the end of the world, or critical of the zombification of the world as we know it now, but I stand by my zombie love.

So when I saw the previews for the zombie RPG Dead Island, I immediately had to have it. I never got into the Left 4 Dead series, due to having a Playstation, but I wasn’t about to miss out on Dead Island. It was either that or Elder Scrolls: Skyrim, but I felt I needed a break from swords and dragons. I’ll deal with that game next.

So here I am, writing not a review, but a journal log of my time on Dead Island. This is Day 1. Enjoy.

Day 1: There’s a Zombie Apocalypse, and All I Got was this Stupid Oar

Like I do for most games, the first time I put Dead Island on I sat through the opening before I even pressed the start button, and it didn’t disappoint. I was dropped into every party I wish I was at right now: bikini-clad women, alcohol, a live rap artist. Apparently I’m drunk off my ass as I stumble around the party, see some Chinese schoolgirl bent over a dead body, and end up popping pills and crashing on the bed in my luxury suite.

So begins my stay on Dead Island, the island of Banoi. For character selection, I have the choice of: Purna, a female bodyguard; Xian Mei, a Chinese receptionist; Sam B, a fictional MC Hammer; and Logan, a former NFL star. I choose Logan, because he can throw things, and who wouldn’t want to pelt rotting, walking corpses from far away?

So for the first 15 or so minutes, I’m walking around the floor of my hotel, looting people’s bags and  learning how to break into people’s rooms. I don’t why I can do this, exactly. As far as I know, there was a fire in the building, so people were being evacuated. Let’s just call it being a total wanker.

Eventually I get into an elevator, drop down to the ground floor, get attacked by a bikini-clad babe with a bad complexion, and proceed to black out.

When I come to, I’m hanging out in a hut of scared people who want me to go outside and help a lifeguard. My weapon? A goddamn oar. Awesome. I go out, smack a couple zombie-looking creatures wearing bathing suits in the head, and proceed to save a lifeguard with the same tattoo as Mike Tyson.


We’re safe, I still only have an oar, and now the Sinamoi the lifeguard wants me to go out and clear the way to the Lifeguard Tower. How’s that for appreciation?