In the words of the old British Music-Hall classic:
“Hitler has only got one ball,
The other is in The Albert hall,
His Mother, the silly bugger,
Cut it off when he was small.”
Love him or hate him, no one can deny that Adolph Hitler certainly made his mark on the 1940’s comedy music scene, but in a surprising turn of events, it seems that life really does imitate art, at least as far as this particular pocket-Fascist is concerned.
It has recently been revealed that the angry little Fuhrer did actually suffer a fifty percent deficit in the scrotal area.
During World War 1, while on active service in the battlefields of the Somme, the Charlie Chaplin impersonator was shot in the groin, blowing one of his testicles clean off. Showing the sort of humour that Germany is world famous for, other members of his regiment subsequently nicknamed him “The Screamer”, a tag that stuck with him right up until he had them shot by the SS.
It seems that Adolph, far from trying to hide this fact, made several references to it in his autobiography “Mein Kugel.” These references were secretly covered up by the translators at the Nazi propaganda department, who feared the knowledge would somehow diminish Hitler’s standing on the world stage.
The line from the book, originally translated as “Adolph only ever wore shoes made by a single craftsman”, should have read “Hitler only had one cobbler.”
In chapter two, a passage seemed to relate to an incident in the sports section of a Berlin department store, it read: “Hitler’s short stature meant that he had difficulty seeing the items on display on the higher shelves.” This should have read “Hitler found himself seriously lacking in the ball department.”
A reference to his daily cross-country runs which left Hitler,(or “Heil, as he was know by friends), permanently tired and gasping for air, can now be translated as “He was always half knackered.”
The whole political aspect of the book may also have been seriously manipulated, particularly the line in chapter six, where the author wrote: “after that, I found myself leaning very heavily to the right.” This has often been thought to show his aversion to Communism, but now, even this is unclear.
Such was the tenderness of the subject, that one of his most powerful assistants, Joseph Goebells, was only ever referred to as Joseph Gerr while in the presence of the Leader.
It is no surprise then, that even high class social functions at this time were known as “Dinner and Dance Nights”, instead of the previous title, “State Balls.”