Photograph by Steve LaBadessa//ZUMA Press
Photograph by Steve LaBadessa//ZUMA Press

It seems that the ideas of the late George Carlin are finally being upheld. We now have a state that we can ship violent people to: Georgia.

Georgia’s new firearm law, the Safe Carry Protection Act aka the “GUNS EVERYWHERE!” law according to gun control advocates, was enabled on July 1st, 2014. Under this law, residents with a proper gun permit will be allowed to carry guns at a number of previously off-limits places such as government buildings that do not have metal detectors, airports prior to security checkpoints, public areas, and private businesses that do not “opt out” of the rights by posting signs stating that firearms are not allowed on their property.

With the National Rife Association praising Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal for signing the bill into law and all but assuring Deal’s support by pro-gun community in his bid for re-election in November. Allegedly, 70% of Georgia polled against the bill, but this may be due to the fact that many gun advocates threatened petitioners who didn’t “get off [their] dang lawn.” So really, who knows what the majority of Georgia wants.

What we do know is that this may very well be the worst possible time to engage a law that expands carry rights so broadly. I’m not talking about “the era” where so much violence in our local neighborhoods has sparked the debated as to whether these events would have been better with less gun control to give innocent victims the tools to defend themselves or more gun control to try and keep the guns out of people who are mentally disturbed in the first place. That debate has been going on since the first two cavemen tried to decide if they should grunt out their differences or bash each other in the head with giant sticks.

No, this is the worst possible time, as in July 1st, the same week as the Fourth of July.

Think about it. On Friday, people will be barbequing, drinking alcohol, and most likely blowing up fireworks illegally in Georgia. It’s the American way, the one day of the year that we say, “Fuck you” to the government like our forefathers and do something we’re not allowed to do: blow stuff up.

Add this situation to the fact that, while people are drinking and setting off fireworks that have a loud “BANG” to them, those same people will probably be walking around with handguns attached to their belts with new, government-protected rights to carry their gun around wherever they damned well please.

“What was that?!” exclaims Johnny Gun-Toter when he hears a bottle rocket go off after pounding a six-pack of beer. He pulls out his gun, fumbles the safety off, and accidentally shoots the person next to him. Tragedy ensues, and gun-advocates blame the illegal fireworks for provoking the accidental shooting.

If this law really had to be engaged, it should have been done so after the Fourth of July so this new right wouldn’t be so fresh. We all know how Americans react to new rights. The mushroom cloud over Denver, Colorado is still as hazy as ever that flight plans are still being rerouted so that pilots don’t get high from flying through it. Or if there was time, the Safe Carry Protection Act should have been enabled a month ago to give people time to get their new carry rights out of their system before the Fourth of July.

Do you think I’m being too critical of the human condition? There’s already been an issue with two men in a convenience store as they lauded their new carry rights. And that’s just one we’ve heard about after the second day. It took two days for someone to act like an idiot, which will probably make others even more tense and suspicious for the Fourth of July.

I’m just glad I’m in New York, far away from a Georgia barbeque. I never thought I’d have to say that.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.