Anyone looking in their wallets or purses right now is in for a big surprise.
That’s the World Economic Crisis.
But how did it happen, and who can we blame? Well, back in the 1970’s, Rod Stewart recorded a single called “Maggie May”. Later this became a bank, and along with Bernie Mac, who played the part of Bosley in the second Charlies Angels film, they recently collapsed.
This collapse was due to the Bankers who worked there. They had been betting on horses with other people’s money and had put it all on a three-legged nag in the 2:30. When the coke wore off, the Bankers realised they had screwed up really badly, but by then the horse had already been shot and its home repossessed.
The City-Suits then decided that another game was needed to relieve their boredom until the next shipment of Colombian White appeared on their desks, so they came up with the great idea of ‘Short Selling’. This is where the investors decide how far a company’s shares are going to plummet, and once again gamble vast amounts of other people’s money on that outcome. This is extremely clever on the Bankers’ part, as by betting on the falling share price, they inspire a lack of confidence in that particular company, and so everyone sells their shares, leading to a huge crash in their value. Excellent.
The Banker with the highest gain from the deal shouts ‘BINGO’ or ‘FISH’ or something, and they all go off to the lavatories to snort even bigger amounts of nose-candy to celebrate.
After a few rounds of this, however, all the shares in the world were rendered nearly valueless, so another game had to be invented.
This time, it involved paying huge bonuses to the very bankers who had caused the crash, the bigger the disaster, the bigger the payout. This worked fine until the very banks they worked for had also run out of cash.
At this point, the National Treasury, seeing all the fun to be had, also wanted a piece of the action and so started throwing vast amounts of other people’s money back at the banks, presumably to offset the worst effects of coke withdrawal suffered by their employees at this difficult time.
The big problem here seems to be that now, with the huge resultant drop in usage, world prices of Cocaine are falling faster than a whore’s underwear, and so many respectable Drug-Lords are finding that there is little or no profit left in their industry. Many are rumored to be looking at new opportunities for making cash hand over fist in ungoverned and unregulated markets, and so are turning to Banking and Insurance as the next big thing.
“Criminals running the financial sector? Surely this is some form of freakish nightmare”, you are probably saying to yourself. Well spotted.
Have a nice day.