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Child Receives Savings Bond to Learn About Debt

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Scarsdale, NY – With negative interest rates sweeping the global economy, many Americans have unwittingly begun stuffing cash back into their mattresses with the idea that money deposited within their banks will lose more than the usual exorbitant surcharges.

While the Federal Reserve does not seem ready to adopt a negative interest rate in the United States, some citizens are buying federal savings bonds in the hope that the system does go that way. Not for financial gain, but to teach their children the finer points of being in debt.

One of these purchasers, Margaret Pence, bought a $25 federal savings bond for her 5 year old nephew, Anthony Pence, and gave it to him for his birthday. “I’ve always bought him a savings bond, whether it was a birthday, holiday, or religious occasion,” explained Pence. “I thought that nothing could teach a child more about the value of a dollar than having to wait twenty years to see your $25 growing into $50, just in time to start paying off college debts!”

“It also protects the money from his good-for-nothing parents, who would probably spend the money on new shoes or something useless like that,” Ms. Pence added.

When Ms. Pence heard about the falling interest rates, she was elated. “I’ve been working so hard to teach Anthony about the economy, and now I can!” she exclaimed. “If the negative interest rate goes through, Anthony can watch the value of his savings bond shrink until he tries to cash it in and learns that he has to pay the bank to pick up his bond and put in in a trashcan! I can’t wait to do this for all of my nieces and nephews!”

When asked about his opinion on a negative interest rate and the mental state of his aunt, Anthony Pence burped and stated, “I have to go poopy.”

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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