Child Receives Savings Bond to Learn About Debt
Scarsdale, NY – With negative interest rates sweeping the global economy, many Americans have unwittingly begun stuffing cash back into their mattresses with the idea that money deposited within their…
BP Study Confirms Benefits of Oil Spills
British Petroleum spokesman Gerald McSlick announced the results of a two-year study that proves oil spills may actually be good for the environment.
Janet Yellen Admits to Being a Milli Vanilli Fan
Janet Yellen has admitted to what Federal Reserve detractors and economists have been accusing the central bank of for years: being Milli Vanilli fans.
Retail Store Takes 12 Hours to Complete Bitcoin Transaction
Retail stores plan to accept Bitcoin, no matter how long it may take.
US Government to Destroy Over 1,000 Tons of Elmo Dolls for Environmental Safety
Following the destruction of ivory, the United States takes aim at Elmo dolls.
Volcker Rule Requires Bankers to Pinky-Swear Not to Crash Economy
Washington, DC: Proponents of financial reform are celebrating the revised Volcker Rule, which imposes a strict requirement that the heads of the banking industry promise to never ruin the economy…
Cyber Monday Concludes with Minimal Casualties
Following its flashier, bloodier, and all-around more popular predecessor Black Friday, the digital door-busting shopping day Cyber Monday once again concluded with minimal casualties.
Walmart Announces Extension of Black Friday
In an announcement drowned out by gunfire and screams from rabid shoppers, we learn that Black Week is the extension of the savings so popular with consumers.
Blockbuster Reminds Customers of Existence by Closing Stores
Blockbuster, the home movie rental company that had introduced the American family to such historical relics as "VHS tapes" and "DVDs," surprised consumers by alerting them to the fact that,…
Politicians Begin Training for Side Jobs During Shutdown
Most senators are optimistic that a deal will be arranged to reopen the government and extend the debt ceiling, but some politicians are not so sure.