Our asinine political analysis breaks down Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio.


Name: Marco Rubio

Nickname: Fun-Size Santorum

Political Affiliation: Republican Party

Status: Happy to have wasted millions of dollars giving it a shot

Known For: U.S. Senator 2011 – Present, That Cuban guy in Washington, Unofficial Spring Break Tea Partier

Likes: Military Action, Toeing the middle-ground, Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders

Dislikes: Sticking with policies, Decisiveness, Common Core (for now)

Public Outlook: Sen. Marco Rubio has all the makings of a standard president: former attorney turned politician whose policies balance between centrist and whatever people want to hear at the time. Standard presidential campaign values.

Pros: Could try to implement the the policies he supports if elected, if only to be re-elected for another term.

Cons: Could do a 180 and sell the country to China.

Quote: “How come liberals never admit that they’re liberal? They’ve now come up with a new word called ‘progressive,’ which I thought was an insurance company but apparently it’s a label.”

Check out all of the 2016 presidential candidates by clicking here.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.