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Anthropologists Uncover Missing Hillbilly Link of Evolution

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Berkely,CA:  Anthropology had a major breakthrough recently in the quest to find the missing link of human evolution, as recent DNA analysis hint that incest between familial relations could have played a part in the interbreeding between closely related species such as Denisovans and other neanderthal relations that evolved the homo genus into the homo sapiens, or humans, of today. This interbreeding includes mating between familial relations as close as half-siblings and even cousins.

These findings have many paleoanthropologists speculating that these incestuous findings point to the missing link as a subspecies of homo sapiens that is still prevalent in the animal kingdom today: homo hillbillus, more commonly referred to as hillbilly.

“It seems that prehistoric procreation patterns in neanderthal man followed a pattern of mating designed by environmental necessity as well as the survival of the fittest,” stated self-proclaimed paleoanthropologist Arnold Walker. “In other words, they got nookie where they could get it, even within their own family.”

This series of incestuous procreation has been found throughout the animal kingdom, but this is the first time that incest has been linked to the evolution of humans. Looking at the history of homo hillbillus, it is not a far stretch to believe that this species may have been the final link of prehistoric humans to the highly evolved humans of today.

“Hillbillies have always been classified as modern humans, but just a tad bit off in terms of physical, mental, and social development,” explained Walker. “It would make sense that these traits are merely due to hillbillies being just another step on the evolutionary ladder of humans.”

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