Snyder Blames Michigan for Trusting Government
Flint, MI – Michigan Governor and Snidely Whiplash impersonator Rick Snyder held a press conference Monday to place the blame for the Flint water crisis on those who held ultimate…
Good Samaritan On Way Home to Finish Conspiracy Manifesto
Proof that conspiracy theorists are just like you and I.
Ferguson Police Chief Defends Rights of Police Against Unarmed Civilians
St. Louis County Police Chief Jon Belmar stood before reporters to announce his solidarity with the cause of police officers to defend themselves against the ever-increasing threat of unarmed black…
Eric Cantor Defeated in Primary by Small Guppy Named Pedro
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was handed an historic defeat in the Republican primary yesterday by a local house pet.
Local Man Forgets About Memorial Day
For local resident Charles Montgomery, this Memorial Day was all but remembered as he found himself locked outside of the office building he visits daily for work.
Chipotle Asks Customers Not to Bring Their Ancient, Mystical Weapons Into Restaurants
Chipotle Mexican Grill has formally requested that customers leave behind their ancient weapons of unspecified mystical power when eating at their restaurants.
Future Common Core Graduate Optimistic about Finding Job Taking Standardized Tests
How will children answer the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up" under Common Core?
Soft Drink Companies to Drop Healthiest-Sounding Ingredient from their Products
In an effort to curtail any misleading beliefs that soft drinks may have an ingredient that sounds slightly good for you, the companies PepsiCo and Coca-Cola recently announced that they…
Doctors Still Unsure if Acrobat Injuries Just Part of the Show
It has been almost 24 hours since a circus accident left eight acrobats injured and doctors are still unsure if they are in a really long circus act.
Supreme Court Ruling on Campaign Donations Re-Opens Door for Pauly Shore
Pauly Shore rejoices over Supreme Court ruling on campaign donations.