UFC Owner Dana White Buys Strikeforce: Next, The World
Las Vegas, NV: In an effort to lock up more of the elite fighters in the sport of mixed martial arts(MMA), Dana White and company haved officially purchased Showtime's Strikeforce,…
Charlie Sheen Bowling Shirts Actually On Sale
Los Angeles, CA: For anyone who has ever seen the show "Two-and-a-Half Men", one of the most visually enduring aspects of Charlie Sheen's character is, besides the booze, probably drugs,…
Man Celebrates 10th Year with Wal-Mart
Odessa, FL: John Higginbottom, 30, just celebrated his 10th year working for Wal-Mart and could not be happier. To mark the occasion, he purchased a dozen cupcakes from his store's…
AOL Buys Huffington Post: Inept Owl Still Awaiting Offer
New York, NY: In a surprising internet business deal that doesn't have to do with phone applications or Facebook, long-time email hosting system and chatroom pedophile nest America On-Line recently…
Salvation Army Says Yes to Guns, No to Sparkling Vampires
Few people are probably aware that the Salvation Army has strict guidelines when it comes to what types of toys it will give to needy children. For instance, as the…
Lipton Considering Changing Product Name
For nearly two years, the Tea Party Movement has inspired thousands of uneducated and easily misled citizens of the United States to take to the streets in order to protest…
Frito-Lay Prefers Silence to Saving the Planet
Plano, Texas: The snack company Frito-Lay amazed and impressed people in the spring of 2009 when it switched the packaging of its famous SunChips from a type of plastic bag…
BP Confesses Love for Everyone
After months and months of declarations and commercials proclaiming that ostracized megalomaniacal petrol company BP would “make this right”, executives have determined with a certainty that such a task is…
Corn Syrup or Corn Sugar? The Debate Rages On
The Corn Refiners Association, a group that apparently controls the production of high fructose corn syrup, an ingredient found in 99.9% of the food in the United States and one…
BP Spreads Blame For Oil Spill
Washington, DC: British Petroleum, in its latest effort to direct the blame for the summer's tragic Gulf Oil disaster elsewhere, has published a report detailing the names of the companies,…