Baseball Implements Steroid Clause to Re-Gain Interest
Spring has arrived. The sight of freshly mowed grass, the sound of the first crack of a bat and the smell of cracker jacks. Indeed, Major League Baseball is back,…
Coach Calipari and Wildcats Eye Vacated Undefeated Season
Lexington, KY: Celebrations for The University of Kentucky’s first NCAA National Championship since 1998 continued into a third day Wednesday, as hundreds of thousands of fans, armed to the tooth,…
Canada Nixes Penny; US to Reintroduce Half Cent
Toronto, Canadialand—Today, the Canadian government announced a decision to no longer use the Canadian penny. Due to inflation, a lack of coin purses, and the fact that Coinstar charges more…
Slighted Man Adds Ex’s Hoo-Ha to Foursquare
New York, NY: Spring is a time of rejuvenation, a time when “a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love”, as Alfred Lord Tennyson put it. Unfortunately, the…
Giant Cartoon Mau5head Slams Madonna for Drug References
Miami, FL: The conclusion of the Ultra Music Festival in Miami was business as usual when a man wearing a giant, bright pink cartoon mouse helmet accused the now literal…
Tiger Woods Wins to Get Back Pride, Pimping Lifestyle
Orlando, FL: A Tiger Woods span of 923 days and 27 tournaments. No, this is not how long he’s held the #1 spot in the PGA. He lost that spot…
Coroner Reports Whitney Houston Did Not OD on Soap Scum
Los Angeles, CA: After almost a month and a half of examination, blood testing, and the repetition of “I Will Always Love You” written by Dolly Parton, the LA Coroners…
Pettitte Re-Signs, Resigns, then Re-Signs Again with Yankees
Tampa, FL: The roster confusion within the New York Yankees continues, as perennial Yankee Andy Pettitte once again signed with the team, this time to a minor league deal with…
Boba Fett Denies Part in Saints Defense
New Orleans, LA: The latest entry as "America's Team" was delivered a crippling sack this past weekend, as former players opened allegations of knowledge and support of a bounty program…
Unborn Snooki Monster Right on Time, Says Mayan Calendar
Jersey City, NJ: For years, skeptics and conspiracy theorists alike have debated the meaning and relevancy of the Mayan calendar. The ancient timeline, which ends on December 21st, 2012, has…