Abe Vigoda: Killing Death Pools for 91 Years
New York, NY: For years, reports of his death proved to be premature, over and over again. A website was erected in order to tell the world of his true…
Man Depressed by Valentine from Mother
Los Angeles, CA: It didn't take long for David Platt to feel the sharp blade of Valentine's Day cut away the last bits of his self-esteem. What had begun as…
Punxsutawney Phil Predicts More Winter: Pennsylvanians Stock Up on Sunblock
Punxsutawney, PA: Once again, our furry meteorologists have poked their heads out into the world for the sole purpose of telling us when to expect winter to be over. This…
Joe Paterno Fails to Replace Abe Vigoda Joke
University Park, PA: After only a few hours and minimal faulty news reports, reality was finally confirmed: Abe Vigoda is still alive. Unfortunately for legendary Penn State football coach Joe…
Tim Tebow Tebows Tim Tebow in Tim Tebow
Tim Tebow, TT: Last Tebow tebowed a remarkable tebow for Tim Tebow, as Tim Tebow tebowed the Tim Tebows past the Tim Tebows to tebow on to the next Tebow.…
Amy Winehouse No Longer in Need of Rehab
London, England: As word came down this weekend that Amy Winehouse had finally succumbed to the unenviable miseries of stardom, adulation and millions of dollars by croaking in her home,…
Dick Clark Defeats Elizabeth Taylor in Death Pools, Tontine
Bel Aire, CA: After years of waiting while younger, more surprising celebrities passed on, the final chapter of death pools worldwide was closed yesterday. Dick Clark has defeated Elizabeth Taylor.
Supermoon Terrorizes East Coast
New York, NY: This past weekend tragedy struck, as that orbiting chunk of rock, the moon, came a whole 2 inches closer to the Earth than usual. The proximity caused…
Federal Stance on Gay Marriage: Not That There’s Anything Wrong with That…
The Administration has stated that it will no longer use Federal resources to engage in court battles defending what one Administration member called the archaic institution of marriage. This is…
2011 Looks Bleak Due to Boring Glasses and Bad Rhyme Schemes
New York, NY: The end of 2010 is upon us, but yearly critics say 2011 won't begin much better. The cause: horribly designed novelty glasses and a rhyme scheme that…