Griffin Saves Baby During Dunk: Clippers Lose by 23
Oklahoma City, OK: It is a hard road to find a way past the slam dunks of Blake Griffin in order to hear about actual basketball games. Every other day,…
Lady Gaga Locked in Egg: Justin Bieber Next
Los Angeles, CA: With the news release that the egg Lady Gaga arrived in at the Staples Center for the Grammy Awards had been her home for 72 hours, publicists…
AOL Buys Huffington Post: Inept Owl Still Awaiting Offer
New York, NY: In a surprising internet business deal that doesn't have to do with phone applications or Facebook, long-time email hosting system and chatroom pedophile nest America On-Line recently…
Groundhog Predicts Early Spring: Pennsylvanians Get Naked
Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog of revelation, left his hole this morning, slipped on the ice, crashed head-first into a tree, and didn't see his shadow in the frozen tundra that…
Rep. Giffords Gives Husband Back Rub: General Male Population Astonished
Tucson, AZ: Chivalry may be dead, but that doesn't stop some women from reciprocating with their own form of chivalry, even if that means fighting through an induced coma and…
Pete Carroll Plans Hug Parade to Super Bowl XLV
Seattle, WA: Pete Carroll has heard many things this year as the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks: how his college coaching style won't work; how Matt Hasselbeck is finally…
Ben Roethlisberger’s Engagement Ordered by Court
Atlanta, GA: Recent rumors of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger's engagement to Ashley Harlan have begun circulating these past 24 hours, along with critiques on how anyone, female, male, or…
Men Crowd Red Carpet for People’s Choice Awards, Single Mila Kunis
Los Angeles, CA: There's only one day before the red carpet rollout for the 2011 People's Choice Awards, and already an audience has overrun Chick Hearn Court and Olympic Boulevard.…
2011 Looks Bleak Due to Boring Glasses and Bad Rhyme Schemes
New York, NY: The end of 2010 is upon us, but yearly critics say 2011 won't begin much better. The cause: horribly designed novelty glasses and a rhyme scheme that…
Carl Pavano Injures Wrist Signing Contract with Yankees
Bronx, NY: The free agent market in Major League Baseball was thrown a curveball yesterday, as starting pitcher Carl Pavano was set to ink a 7 year, $115 million contract…