Nature Experts Gather to Study Running of the Shoppers
As the holidays draw near and the bargains begin to blow in, the rare in-person shopper begins its slow migration to the local discount stores.
Delta Airlines Starts “We Hate Everyone, Equally” Campaign
Delta Airlines announced a new policy that it hopes will foster an atmosphere of equal-opportunity hatred towards and from all its customers.
North Korea Faxes South Korea Threatening Message Due to Faulty Dial-up Connection
The cutting edge technology of the North Korean military was displayed once again as officials in North Korea allegedly faxed a threat to the South Korea.
Shia LaBeouf Apologizes for Plagiarized Apology for Plagiarizing Dan Clowes
Shia LaBeouf just can't stop plagiarizing!
World Shocked that A&E Shocked by Duck Dynasty Star’s Bigoted Comments
In a recent news report that has surprised no one, bearded hillbilly patriarch Phil Robertson of the bearded hillbilly A&E reality show Duck Dynasty is believed to be a racist,…
Anthropologists Uncover Missing Hillbilly Link of Evolution
New developments in the mating patterns of neanderthals point to hillbillies being the missing link on the evolutionary ladder.
Spoiled Rich Kids Cower In Terror of Affluenza Outbreak
It has now been learned that being a spoiled rich kid also comes with the genetic disposition to become afflicted with a harrowing condition known as affluenza.
Volcker Rule Requires Bankers to Pinky-Swear Not to Crash Economy
Washington, DC: Proponents of financial reform are celebrating the revised Volcker Rule, which imposes a strict requirement that the heads of the banking industry promise to never ruin the economy…
Christmas Songs for People Who Don’t Like Christmas Songs
Tis the season to get cranky, especially when it comes to Christmas songs. Here are some Christmas songs that you will never hear on the radio.
War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men
Look out, minorities. There's a new socially maligned group in the United States, and they're not going to take it anymore: rich, white, Christian men.