New York, NY: Sir Paul McCartney released the rumor that he would be playing with the surviving members of grunge rock group Nirvana hours before the Hurricane Sandy Relief concert at Madison Square Garden in an attempt to do what Kurt Cobain would never do: market to the masses.

McCartney stated, “I didn’t really know who they were. They are saying how good it is to be back together. I said ‘Whoa? You guys haven’t played together for all that time?’ ”

Luckily, McCartney didn’t need to know who they were or what they played, as this Nirvana Reunion featured all the songs that Nirvana never played, wrote, or performed.

“It’s a classic case of guerilla marketing,” stated PR developer Peter Emmerlan. “The concert did its best to cater to all music genres, but grunge, punk rock, and metal just doesn’t have the pull necessary for such an occasion, so it was smart of McCartney to hint at playing with Nirvana, if only to get a few hundred thousand more viewers.”

While the group’s set was not a detraction to Kurt Cobain’s legacy, the marketing of the idea was just short of defecating on Cobain’s grave. It is no wonder that Krist Novoselic looked so morose on-stage, or more so as is the case with bass players.

“I was joking about how Paul McCartney would have to smoke two carton’s of cigarettes and wear flannel to come close to taking Kurt’s place,” stated long-time fan Rachel Crowley. “now I kinda wish he had. Then at least we could have heard ‘Territorial Pissings’ or ‘Breed’. Geez, i would have even taken ‘All Apologies.’

In any event, the set all but assures that Sir Paul McCartney will not be the frontman for a Nirvana reunion tour in 2014 dedicated to the memory of Kurt Cobain, if indeed that would every happen anyway.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.