Los Angeles, CA: With the news release that the egg Lady Gaga arrived in to the Staples Center for the Grammy Awards had been her home for 72 hours, publicists and doctors alike have begun research to find out who else could benefit from being locked in a cocoon for such a length of time.
While some critics speculated about actually locking Lady Gaga in the egg for a straight 72 hours without food, water, or oxygen, others believe the singer/songwriter may have truly been re-born by the experience.
“At first I thought she was a little out of it, but still kind of cute. Like when you meet your first dominatrix,” stated Hollywood trend-setter Charlie Sheen. “But after that egg thing, she looked like the love-child of Madonna and Marilyn Manson. Maybe with a splice of Ridley Scott’s Alien.”
While it is debatable whether or not Lady Gaga’s rebirth was a step forward or backward in her career, other celebrities are already being groomed for the experience. The first obvious choice is one of Gaga’s co-entertainers of the night, Justin Bieber.
“That kid[Justin Bieber] literally hit puberty before our eyes at this year’s Grammy Awards ceremony,” explained noted vocal critic Simon Cowell. “His voice went from angelic to chalk-board scratching muffed by a 70’s bush. Not pretty to hear, and definitely not pretty to watch.”
It is hoped that, by encasing Bieber in a Gaga egg, the singer’s voice-life will be lengthened, much like Michael Jackson’s. By sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber, Mr. Jackson had slowed his aging process so much so, that on his death-bed he still sounded like a 12 year old girl. “It is hoped that with some estrogen-inducing drugs and the Gaga egg, we can bring Justin back to the voice of a 13-14 year old girl, pre-puberty, and keep him there,” explained Dr. Franklin Bartolo, noted geneticist. “Only then can we save this young man’s 15 minutes of fame.”