ARIES
It’s just one of those days when people are naturally inclined to help you out.
Don’t worry if it is because you look like the Elephant Man after being released from a mental asylum where you received shock therapy twice a day. Help is help.
TAURUS
You stumble into a funny situation pretty early today that keeps you smiling well into the night.
Just be sure that smile disappears before you get home to your significant other, or you’ll find yourself cuddling a chopped log outside come Valentine’s Day.
GEMINI
Today brings restrictions. Don’t let them hold you back. Unless, of course, you’re playing master and slave.
CANCER
You’ll be outside of your head, and not too concerned with your emotions or fears. Just remember: you still can’t fly.
LEO
Financial conservation will be a major theme now. Investigate investment ideas, particularly those that don’t believe selling insulated ski gloves as oven mitts is a good idea.
VIRGO
You’ve got depths that are seriously appealing right now.
Now the question is, to whom? It may be that portly, balding, 45 year-old gentleman with glasses that lives with his parents.
LIBRA
There’s nothing wrong with patting yourself on the back. It’s just pretty damn hard for some of us to get to that prime patting spot on the back. You need to be a gymnast or something.
SCORPIO
You feel yourself drawn to opposites today, possibly at the same time — which can lead to some interesting situations. I believe they call it ménage à trois.
SAGITTARIUS
Point things where you want them to go now. Just be sure whatever you want to move understands you. We can’t all be Jedi.
CAPRICORN
If you’re considering a delicious adventure, you must move forward on a plan soon! I recommend doing the Man Vs. Food tour of Ohio.
AQUARIUS
Your internal struggles get calmer. Things are slowing (and quieting) down. Probably because, unlike Capricorn, you’re off the Ohio food tour.
PISCES
Your poetic sensibilities are making sense of the world today. You should find that your mind is more grounded as long as you are able to express yourself in new, more creative ways.
Unfortunately, few people understand the ways of iambic pentameter.