I received this Email a while ago and I thought it and my reply were Owl-worthy. As a reporter, I feel the need to illuminate the public consciousness and inform people of what is going on in the world we live in.
My work with Patrick has been about exposing the seething underbelly of society from the very being, that and rolling up in a corner and laughing at how dumb we are collectively.
Today, we begin stripping naked the international Email scammer, and giggling at him as he attempts to cover
his shame and shortcomings.
The Email:
Robert Ashton
Operating Officer,
Coutts & Co, Private Bank.
London, United Kingdom.
Hello Friend,
I am Mr. Robert Ashton, the accounting officer-in charge of the private
investment section of the above named Finance house. I have decided to
contact you on a business transfer that requires confidentiality, trust
and transparency, where both of us have a lot to benefit, during my
investigation and auditing in the accounts section, my department came
across this money belonging to a deceased person, a foreigner who died on
May 7, 2008 in an auto crash.
This Fund has been dormant in his account in the private investment dept
without any claim to this fund in our custody, either from his family or
relation. The said amount is £14.6M (Fourteen Million Six Hundred Thousand
British Pounds Sterling). As it might interest you to know, I got your
contact through international business enquiry and my search for a trust
worthy business partner that can handle a business of this magnitude
meanwhile all arrangement to put claim to this fund in your name as the
bona fide next of kin to the deceased, and get the required approval to
transfer this money to a foreign account, have been put in place.
While the next line of action to conclude this transaction in the next 10
working days, will be relayed to you as Soon as you indicate your interest
in this transaction. I must also inform you that upon the completion of
this transaction, you will be entitled to 40% of the total sum as
gratification, for your role and assistance, while the balance will be for
me as the owner of the funds. Please, you have been advised to keep this
to your self since I am still in service and intend to retire after I
conclude this project.
I will be monitoring the whole situation here until you confirm the money
in your account. Then, immediately, I shall come down to the country of
your nominated account for subsequent sharing of the Funds according to
percentages previously indicated and further investment.
Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Robert Ashton
Not a bad hustle. A few basic problems, however, which are as follows;
If this is, in fact, an actual attempt to line your pockets from under your company, research would have yielded you someone more suitable than me (a black author and artsy, broke, family man from NJ.)
In fact, a man in your business would have people he knows and trust more than a complete and utter stranger. Being in banking, perhaps directing the email to home owners nearby seeking to free their homes from foreclosure would be a better choice.
Also, with the world banking system as it is, there are not many places to shuffle off money that a bank wouldn’t be able to track it and freeze it. This seems a very 80’s solution to a 2010 problem. It seems smarter these days to simply find a hacker and slowly milk the account electronically. Leaving your job is a tell-tale sign that a pro just wouldn’t make. You may as well come in on your last day with a T-shirt that reads
“I’m robbing the place”.
Now if you’ve read this far… I respect a good hustle, it speaks to the street kid in me. So please don’t be cross about me taking this standing point with you.
I would love to have the tech to pull off some shit like this. I could use the cash.
But you simply aren’t convincing once someone starts thinking about your offer. But that is the point. If I’m not mistaken, greed is intended to set in and common sense is suppose to leave the building. Sorry, I have no bank accounts. Pre-loaded credit card loans from across seas may look like terror teams being funded (I am, after all, in the US). I can only imagine how MI-5 would read that whole action on your end. But here in The States, I would show up like a sore thumb on the palest Scotchman. My family line is pretty well known and someone rich in it would be news to everyone including the IRS, FBI and, my person favorite, Homeland Security.
I must admit, I’m curious to what the other shoe is. Does someone give you bank info and you bleed them? You tell them there is, in fact, a hefty fee to transfer the funds, yet the funds never transfer, or you are on the almost up and up and you just really haven’t picked up any true talent for that end of the corporate game. Even if that is the case, how can you be trusted to give the 40% you spoke of?
Again, a level headed African American man isn’t really your target here. You see, it’s in our nature to question
the motives of clandestine white businessmen, as our first dealings with them is why there are African Americans in the first place. This is further complicated, in this case, by your choice percentage. 40% is much like the 40 acres and the mule my family also could use about now (I made a lot of kids). Promised and not received.
I welcome instructions of a second step to your master plan and have avoided using flagged words so Interpol shouldn’t be kicking in your door.
I really would LOVE to know what happens to the person who falls head long in to the easy money draw you are pushing here. Call it… an education.
P.S. bankers are well educated and read emails several times before sending. Your misspellings and misuse of a key word is a tell-tale sign as well. I’m a writer. If I have misspellings and misuses, it’s because I have no editor for my emails.
Also, Robert, firms like the one you are employed by have the right to scan your computer usage, read your emails, and watch your internet activity with no reason other than it exists. Planning to rob them (because unclaimed funds would indeed be absorbed by the bank) would be frowned upon as much as, if not more than, kiddie porn.
Lastly, it’s in bad taste for someone who is betraying the company that signs their paycheck and inspires to steal large sums of money to end his letters “Yours Faithfully”.
Yours not in the least bit
Anthony Saint Thomas
I now wait for the answers to my questions. Details on the international scammers master plan. If they, in fact, make contact I will share with you my finding, perhaps at great risk of computer virus or incisive Emails.
To be continued… possibly…
I am Anthony Saint Thomas reporting for The Inept Owl.
Thank You.