Greetings from the comatose music department here at The Inept Owl! A couple of weeks ago, I received a CD from Huggard, Hart & Taxter for review. After using it as a coaster for my appletinis for a few weeks, I decided to go ahead and do a quick review so I could go back to doing what I do best: not writing anything of substance. But first, I had to do my all-important, world-famous, in-depth research on the band. Unfortunately, there was nothing on
Wikipedia, so I was lost. Went to Myspace… nothing. Help a brother out, here!
Okay, fine. Research is out. Instead, I reached deep in my bag of tricks to find a catchy way of talking about the album.
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Make joke about band actually being the secret refuge of dead musician (Jim Morrison, in this case)? Already done.
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Get drunk and just send the boss whatever incoherent ramblings I type out? Already done. From what I understand, anyway; I’m a little blurry on the details.
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Use review as a thinly veiled excuse to talk about nipples? Already done. But worth exploring again, I think.
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Being a pathetically transparent fanboy in hopes of scoring some sweet swag when they read the review? Already done. Didn’t get any swag, either.
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Make jokes about vampire movies the whole time? Already done. (And pre-Twilight, no less.)
Crap. Guess I’m gonna actually have to work at this one.
The next step was to examine the lyrics and see what kind of ridiculous metaphysical garbage somebody was writing. Because if there’s one thing I know about music, it’s that everybody writes ridiculous metaphysical garbage. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any online lyrics for the tracks… what am I supposed to do, actually LISTEN TO THE WORDS? Geez, this music stuff is HARD.
(That’s what she said.)
Okay, okay. Here’s what I’ve got. If you want to get high and have a deep, philosophical discussion with your blacklight posters for an hour, this CD would be a perfectly good soundtrack. In all honesty, if your buddies are high enough, they won’t notice when your CD changer switches from your scratched-up copy of whatever The Doors CD you own to “The Other Side.” You get some rock vibe at times, a blues vibe at others, but there’s always a very rhythmic, structured feel to it. There are several quality guitar solos laced throughout; in fact, the track titled “Until We Meet Again” is the first purely instrumental track in a non-instrumental album that didn’t irritate me with its presence. I definitely preferred listening to this over that damned Coldplay CD I reviewed once (not that THAT takes much).
Song you should pay $1 for on iTunes, rather than downloading for free: Not applicable. C’mon, guys. Nothing on iTunes, either? Help me out, here. Seriously. We’re in the… the… what the hell are we calling this decade again? Anyway, we need a way to snag tracks for a buck. Amazon.com? Amie Street? Bueller? Bueller?
Rating: 3 music sites. Gimme something to work with, people!
