Larimer County, CO: This past Thursday, both state and local authorities found themselves in a race against time as they attempted an intricate, and possibly fatal, extraction operation over the plains of Colorado. The rescued victim: a silver, umbrella-shaped balloon thing.
The race began when Mayumi Heene of Fort Collins, Colorado, called the news station CNN early Thursday morning, which was coincidentally saved as #3 on the family’s speed dial. The Heene family confirmed later that the call 
was a mistake, and that they meant to press speed dial #7 for 911.
Mrs. Heene asked the operator on the other line to alert Colorado authorities, and attempted to explain the emergency to the operator.
“I couldn’t understand a word of it,” office filer Brian Cobb stated. “The woman on the other line was blabbing about a big, metallic-lined floating thingamabob or whatever. She said it was floating away like it was supposed to, but not now supposed to, blah blah blah. I started dozing off until I heard the word, ‘kid’, then promptly alerted our anchor-person to get into make-up and wardrobe. Next I called the authorities, of course…”
The hunt was on, as Kyra Phillips headed off the story on live television and dual Black Hawk helicoptors and a Kiowa helicopter were deployed by the National Guard in order to find the flying silvery whatsis.
“It was a harrowing experience to watch the plight of that poor, silver, floating doohickey,” explained Ms. Phillips after the rescue. “But I was glad to be a part of its safe rescue. Even if it was just behind this desk.”
The silvery balloon thing floated above the Colorado landscape for over an hour, as authorities chased after it in Humvees and helicopters in the hopes of catching it before it spun out of control and crashed to earth. The main fear, apparently, was that the fragile fabric of the balloon-like thing would tear, causing much anguish to the Heene family.
After the state-wide chase, the saucer-like balloon-thing finally settled to the ground, where authorities promptly checked its vital signs.
Larimer County sheriff Jim Alderden, after the safety of the balloon was finalized, released this statement: “Let it be known that in Colorado, the safety of all silver, flying whatchamacallit comes foremost.”
Recently, it has been rumored that the Heene family may have let loose their metallic popcorn popper-like balloon-thing themselves, as a hoax to get on television. News will be released when available.