Pyongyang, NORTH KOREA: The free world was once again saved by the cunning linguistics of former President of the United States Bill Clinton, when he negotiated the release of two journalists from North Korea.
The journalists, Euna Lee and Laura Ling, were arrested a little over four months ago for entering the country of North Korea illegally and engaging in “hostile acts” such as chewing gum and wearing skirts that didn’t cover their knees. They were sentenced to 12 years of hard labor.
This was a fact unknown to Bill Clinton, who was on his way to Singapore. “I was on a family holiday, without the family, if you know what I mean,” 
explained the former president. “My good buddy Roger and I had a little R&R tour planned, and he said, ‘Hey, let’s check out North Korea! Those women have gotta be crazy when they go out to the clubs!’ So that’s how we got there.”
Unfortunately for Mr. Clinton, the “all ladies club” that they thought they had found was actually a women’s prison, where he met the imprisoned journalists Lee and Ling. “I was a little confused hearing these two ladies speaking perfect English, but I just thought it was part of the act,” explained the former president.
Upon learning of who these two women actually were, Clinton was quick to act. He had his assistants contact Kim Jong-Il’s advisors to set up a goodwill meeting. “To be honest, the only reason Dear Leader met with the poofy-haired American was because he promised Dear Leader an iTouch…which Dear Leader is still waiting for,” explained an adviser of Kim Jong-Il’s who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being shot.
“The diplomatic negotiations were pretty simple,” explained Mr. Clinton. “I took ole Kimmy aside, and I told him, ‘Look, you really want to piss off those pigs in Washington? Why don’t you let me take these journalists home. My wife is the United States’ Secretary of State. When she finds out I’m bring two Asian women back home, her rage will spread through the White House, crippling the government. Then you can play cowboys and nuclear winter ’til the cows come home.’ He signed those pardon papers in 10 seconds flat.”
Kim Jong-Il could not be reached for comment. The two correspondents sent to his palace could not be reached for comment, either.