Tehran, IRAN: Emotions have run high in many Iranian cities this week. Some believe this to be caused by the election results in Iran where incumbent president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was declared the winner over reform candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi among others. Many supporters of Mousavi allegedly believed that the election was rigged in order to give Ahmadinejad the easy victory.
Because of a closed view to foreign journalists, it has been near impossible to clarify the story. Luckily, using logic and reason, we at The Inept Owl have been able to uncover the truth about the riots in Iran. It is highly likely that these riots are due to the Los Angeles Lakers defeating the Orlando Magic in the NBA Finals.
This theory is entirely plausible because of the following:
1) Basketball is the only Western sport that has found a home in the global community, so much so that it took the United States 16 years to take back the gold medal at the Summer Olympics.
2) The riots in Iran seemed to occur immediately after riots broke out in Los Angeles Sunday night due to the time zone difference plus the time it takes for western news to reach Iran.
3) The use of green spray-paint and profanity symbolizes a big “F*ck You” to the Boston Celtics, who humiliated the Lakers last year, 4-2.
A self-proclaimed expert on international relations, Kobe Bryant explained further why the riots, both in Los Angeles and Iran, happened. “Obviously, everyone was ecstatic that we won the championship, but even more so, that we did it without Shaq. I think the whole world has been waiting for this moment. Personally, I thought every city on the globe was going to go crazy.”
President Obama has considered sending aid to the cities of Iran in the form of the entire Lakers team. He believes a nationwide celebration parade, and the tossing of autographed memorabilia to the crowds, will quell their emotions.