Living in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, you get little tastes of the “big city” without really living in such an environment. We have everything that a huge place like Chicago does – just not to the severity of a huge metropolis. I have been taking note of certain crimes that have occurred here, and I must say, the criminal mind fascinates me. Not because of any cunning or because of the actual crimes, but I am fascinated by how absolutely stupid these people can be, and they tend to leave one asking more questions than receiving answers.
I think back to one specific case that took place some nine years ago now, I think. There was a couple – boyfriend and girlfriend, who apparently were running a little low on funds. They proceeded to un-hatch one of the stupidest, most imbecilic crimes I have ever read about.
Their clever plan was to order a pizza. The delivery guy showed up at their door with their 
pizza and one of them proceeded to beat the poor son of a bitch in the head with a claw hammer, while the other did something equally hideous. Needless to say, the pizza delivery guy now lay dead in the doorway of this couple’s apartment. What could they do at this point but rob the miserly delivery guy, right? Everyone knows that pizza delivery guys’ pockets are just overflowing with endless cash. So they emptied the guy’s wallet, pocketed the whopping $20.00 and some loose change, and grabbed his car keys. I am pretty sure the car was along the lines of a chariot similar to, say, a 1986 Dodge Omni (keep in mind this took place in 1999 or so). It apparently had enough gas to carry the couple off to a friend’s house, where they stayed until the law somehow figured out who had killed the delivery guy and determined what his license plate was.
I remember seeing them on television. Here they conduct arraignments on closed circuit television. So there they were on television, the Bonnie and Clyde of Lidsville. They did not look too terribly bright, and they sat expressionless as they were read their charges. Iowa has no death penalty, and I do have some reservations about exercising it only due to the fact that most people that score high on the intelligence test to get on the force are rejected, and forgive me if my confidence in the system is less than solid on this matter.
Just the same, I think that these two idiots sitting in an Iowa prison until they die is good enough, but I often wonder why they don’t charge admission for people to walk through and observe this human debris. You could purchase a cup of Milk Duds and toss them in at them or something, right? This couple had to be all of like 23-years-old, and I think back to when I was at that age, and I cannot for the life of me understand what would motivate someone to do such a stupid thing. I am still baffled by this.
It’s like kidnapping junkies you know – Who in the Hell is going to pay the ransom for a heroine addict? They don’t have any cash, their family and friends have long since become weary from the constant excuses and loaning them cash etc… It was just a total senseless, idiotic, mindless act that culminated in the destruction of three lives. The first being the worst, of course, but what forces led these two to even possess such an anemic mind set that they thought that somehow they would cash in on beating to death and robbing a pizza delivery person?
They made no escape plans, left the body right there in their residence, and drove the victim’s car a matter of a few blocks away to wait out their apprehension. I remember hearing time and time again when I was a child that Iowa had the highest standard of education in the country. Somewhere along the way we lost that status, obviously. In my 44 years on Earth I have been incarcerated once, and I tell you this with all the fiber of my being: I met some of the dumbest people of my life in jail, and I haven’t met anyone that slow since visiting the monkey cage at the zoo.