Last year I celebrated my singledom on Valentine’s Day by sitting at home, having a few beers, and watching both ‘Kill Bill’ movies back to back. Ah, romance. This year though, I went out. Lauren: The Fake Girlfriend and I went to see Vertigo
The first time I saw ‘Vertigo’ was in my Hitchcock class senior year, which was one of the best classes I ever took during college. Mark Conroy, the professor, had very strong theories about the structure of Hitchcock’s movies, and he wore black the day we discussed Vertigo because it was the first of Alfred’s movies that stopped applying said structure. This was also the class where my friend and I, noticing other students were bringing in food to eat during the movie, decided to send our friend Stefanie to Buffalo Wild Wings before class to enjoy during the movie. Unfortunately the movie that day was ‘Frenzy,’ which was without a doubt the hardest movie to watch and enjoy wings with. Had we watched ‘The Birds,’ at least we could have felt some sort of vengeful delight in our snack of choice. This event did however earn me the nickname “Hot Wings” from another girl in our class.
So some things I learned last night during the screening:
1.) When a Wexner center box office employee accidentally charges your Debit card $70 instead of $7, do not believe his colleague when she assures you that the immediate refund credit will ensure that it “won’t even be noticeable.” It really sucks later when you realize that your checking account is now $70 lighter and will be for the next few days before the credit gets applied back. Thanks jackass. At least I didn’t need that money this weekend while going out of town for a gig. Oh wait, I did. Way to fail at the only thing your job entails.
2.) Hipsters are really annoying. If you don’t like the movie, fine, but don’t be a dick about it. The people behind me kept talking throughout the movie, and kept kicking the chairs of myself and Lauren. There’s an exit, you can go if you want. Don’t ruin the movie for me and the other people who appreciate a classic work of cinema, and a groundbreaking work from an important filmmaker. Conroy’s black blazer demands respect, now go home and shave your beard and leave us be!
3.) Kim Novak’s eyebrow pencil is truly disturbing, especially when she’s a brunette.
4.) I forgot, Jimmy Stewart can be really really creepy. Oh sure, he seems sweet enough with his body of work, luring you in with tales of a wonderful life, and you get really worried when he’s being dangled out a rear window, but I certainly wouldn’t want him to take me shopping for a new dress suit. And if he asks you to go view San Juan Bautista, for God’s sake stay out of the bell tower!
Also, was Jimmy Stewart ever actually credited as “Jimmy”? I have never heard him called “James,” ever by anyone in any conversation, yet I have never seen him credited as anything but “James Stewart.” Do you think 20-30 years we’ll only refer to Sylvester Stallone as “Sly” or Tom Cruise as “Batshit crazy”?