Today we honor a man that all of you, our readers, believed was more deserving of an award than Axl Rose. Here is the letter we have addressed to Dr. Stephen Tyrone Colbert.
On behalf of the readers and skimmers of the online publication The Inept Owl, I wish to congratulate you for being voted Man of the Year for 2007 by our readers! I doubt this comes as a surprise to you, with your long resume of accomplishments and entertaining us in such ways as playing a homosexual schoolteacher in Strangers With Candy, being a correspondent for The Daily Show, and then trumping your mentor with The Colbert Report. However, as an authority ourselves on news reporting, we felt that you should be informed of your victory by us directly.
Your rivals for this award were of the highest caliber of human beings, people such as Jon Stewart, Tucker Max, Maddox, Charlie Sheen, and Bono. Seriously, you beat BONO! You might as well take a Nobel Prize just for being able to say that.
Along with the recognition of being honored as the greatest man in the world, I present you with this sparkly award, which can be used as a paper-weight or a lethal weapon in case any of your guests get out of hand. We have our Marketing Department working on renting out a billboard to let New York commuters bask in your glory, but for now the award must suffice. We had hoped to be able to have a ceremony to honor you as well as Trainwreck of the Year David Hasselhoff, Woman of the Year Kate Beckinsale, Parent of the Year Britney Spears, and Career Resurrection winner Brett Favre, but unfortunately we could only afford to invite everyone to the karaoke night at our local bar, and scheme announcing the winners by pretending to get up to sing. Something tells me there wouldn’t have been much of a turn out.
So congratulations, Dr. Colbert! May you continue to pave the way to truthiness.
Sincerely,
Patrick Emmel
Editor in Chief