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Asinine Election Analysis 2016: Ted Cruz

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Our asinine political analysis breaks down Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz.

 ted-cruz-profile

Name: Rafael Edward Cruz

Nickname: Ted

Political Affiliation: Republican Party

Status: Sith Lord

Known For: U.S. Senator 2013 – Present, Being the most hated Canadian in the history of Earth

Likes: Flat Tax, Tea Parties, Executions, Stand Your Ground, Southern Hospitality

Dislikes: President Obama, Science, Foreign Alliances, Donald Trump, Net Neutrality

Public Outlook: Ted Cruz is believed to be the political side of the Tea Party Movement, with Donald Trump being the business side. Dissolution of government, free-carry, the death penalty, and the right to shoot people on his lawn are the policies of Texas that Cruz could very well bring to The Union. Either that, or he’ll secede with the state of Texas.

Pros: If the state of Texas can put aside bigotry to elect a Cuban American born in Canada as a U.S. Senator, Cruz must be able to do something right.

Cons: If the state of Texas can put aside bigotry to elect a Cuban American born in Canada as a U.S. Senator, Cruz could be evil incarnate.

Quote: “I am a very, very proud wacko bird.”

Check out all of the 2016 presidential candidates by clicking here.

About Author

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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