Our asinine political analysis breaks down Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio.
Name: Marco Rubio
Nickname: Fun-Size Santorum
Political Affiliation: Republican Party
Status: Happy to have wasted millions of dollars giving it a shot
Known For: U.S. Senator 2011 – Present, That Cuban guy in Washington, Unofficial Spring Break Tea Partier
Likes: Military Action, Toeing the middle-ground, Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders
Dislikes: Sticking with policies, Decisiveness, Common Core (for now)
Public Outlook: Sen. Marco Rubio has all the makings of a standard president: former attorney turned politician whose policies balance between centrist and whatever people want to hear at the time. Standard presidential campaign values.
Pros: Could try to implement the the policies he supports if elected, if only to be re-elected for another term.
Cons: Could do a 180 and sell the country to China.
Quote: “How come liberals never admit that they’re liberal? They’ve now come up with a new word called ‘progressive,’ which I thought was an insurance company but apparently it’s a label.”