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Zimmerman Leaves Courthouse, Shoots 5 People Giving Him Stink Eye

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Sanford, FL: The trial of George Zimmerman for the shooting death of 17 year old Trayvon Martin came to a close late Saturday night, as a jury of six women found the defendant not guilty on all charges.

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Mr. Zimmerman stated he shot Mr. Martin on Feb. 26, 2012, in self-defense after the teenager knocked him to the ground, punched him and slammed his head repeatedly against the sidewalk. In finding him not guilty of murder or manslaughter, the jury agreed that Mr. Zimmerman could have been justified in shooting Mr. Martin because he feared great bodily harm or death due to the fact that Mr. Martin would not back down from, as one law analyst stated, “a fat douche with a gun.”

The verdict created a surge of outrage throughout social media, as well as in the vicinity of the Seminole County Courthouse. This outrage, Zimmerman’s defense attorney Mark O’Mara claims, puts “his life is at risk, and I don’t say that for dramatic effect.”

Luckily for Zimmerman, his acquittal means that his ability to conceal and carry a firearm is still protected by law. Zimmerman celebrated this second victory by promptly shoot 5 people in his vicinity as he was escorted to his transportation. Sources claim that the 5 people gave Zimmerman the stink eye, prompting him to open fire due to his fear of bodily harm.

In Florida, using lethal force is legally justifiable if a person fears imminent death or great bodily harm. It is believed that Zimmerman may be forced to shoot even more people in the ensuing weeks, and maybe even months, due to this imminent fear.

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