Anthony Baxter’s soon-to-be released documentary, You’ve Been Trumped, is an unabashedly hostile portrait of a billionaire developer in action as he embarks on a grandiose project in Scotland. The $1.5 billion project involves building two 18-hole golf course (the first one opened last month), a 450-bedroom luxury hotel, and a complex of apartments and golf villas on the North Sea coast.
Needless to say, opposition to Trump scarring the once-pristine land was fierce, but what really ticked off the locals was the announcement of the building of a store called “Donald’s Den.”
Shirley Strunkovich, marketing analyst, stated that, “’Donald’s Den’ sells all Trump. Nothing but Trump.” This includes a 16’ x 16’ pest control device built like the infamous ‘Roach Motel’ that’s called ‘Russian Model Motel.’ Its inside floor and walls is drenched in green glue that smells like freshly printed $100 bills which attracts then traps right-off-the-boat Russian models—and later traps them into having sex with follically challenged 66 year old American men.
Ms. Strunkovich further noted: “’Donald’s Den’ will sell a body spray called, ‘Wet Cold Cash.’ This not only smells like money, but is guaranteed to make any elderly, unattractive users look attractive to young, attractive women.”
And for those that can’t get enough of Trump, we have heard rumors 6’ tall blow-up dolls in Trump’s image called ‘Trump’s Ego Inflating Inflatable Dolls.’ When you pull a cord on the doll’s back, the dolly says:
“Go ahead. Give me a pull.”
“Pull me the wrong way and you’ve got a lawsuit, buddy.”
“I am worth billions in theory but not on paper.”
“I know what you’re asking yourself. What’s more plastic? The doll or my hair.”
“You can never throw this doll out. I terminate people, people don’t terminate me!”
“Wanna know why you paid so much for me? How many blow up dolls do you know that are full of hot air and crap?”
“Complaining about me is useless, Scotland. Know why? No one outside of your piss-ant country can understand a word you’re saying, you unintelligible, drunken haggis heads.”