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Review of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”

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  Finally, a female musician we can be proud of.

Katy Perry, America’s new model for demure self-respect, has released her sophomore effort, “Teenage Dream.” In it, we find the sounds and messages that we, as a nation, have been longing for since the turn of the century.

Ms. Perry chooses to eschew the norms of pop radio these days. With vocals completely untouched by the new-fangled “Auto-tune” or other such crass alterations, she brings her amazing vocal talents to the forefront. Her backing band is full of professionalism, showing virtuoso-level talents with guitar and saxophone; they seem to have no use for beat machines or synthesizers in creating their unique sound. If Phil Spector created the “Wall of Sound” approach to music, Katy Perry surely has created an entire room of sound; it could perhaps be referred to as a luxurious and relaxing lavatory of sound.

A quick perusal of her lyrics will find a catalog of inspiring missives that one would expect from such an intelligent young role model for today’s youth. Her song “Teenage Dream” discusses the importance of finding someone who loves her for who she is, and then suggests that they “go all the way tonight,” obviously referring to every teenage girl’s desire to get married and start a wholesome familial existence.  Later in the album, she also stresses the importance of humility in her song “Who Am I Living For?” as she states, “heavy is the head that wears the crown/don’t let the greatness get you down.” Surely this sort of modesty–even in the face of her own awesome majesty–is the sort of message we want passed along to the next generation? Thank goodness someone has come along as a beacon of light in these dark times.

Her songs are an adventure and a learning experience for modern youth. Her song “Peacock” expresses a desire to explore the field of zoology as she tells an unknown person that she would like to see his “peacock, cock, cock.”  Likewise, her epic ballad “Last Friday Night (TGIF)” uses French lyrics, which will surely send teenagers scrambling to their textbooks, eager to learn what “ménage à trois” means after hearing this little tune. Other songs reference botany (“let’s pollinate to create a family tree”) or forensic science (“infect me with your love and/fill me with your poison”). Perhaps she will inspire the next generation of female scientists with her lyrics!

All in all, Ms. Perry is exactly the sort of role model that young Americans need right now. It is never too early to expose them to such paragons of virtue; hopefully television shows for young children will attempt to bring her vibrant and healthy message into their programming.

Song you should pay $1 for on iTunes, rather than downloading for free:
You should never download songs for free, particularly when dealing with such a talent as Ms. Perry. Do not deprive her of her hard-earned income… I suggest you buy a copy of her latest effort for every child in your family.

Rating:
Normally I rate albums on a five-point scale, but in this case it seems insufficient. Therefore, I award this album ten Elmo Eyeballs, the highest honor I can bestow upon it.

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