(Editor’s note: Darby turned in a music review this week that was not up to the usual high standards we have here at The Inept Owl. However, when we tried to return his review so that he could rework it, we found him passed out underneath his desk, a bottle of bourbon in one hand and an inflatable sheep in the other. Therefore, the editorial staff was forced to do a quick rewrite in order to meet the deadline. Thank you for your understanding.)
Lily Allen has a third nipple new album. Don’t believe me? Seriously, look it up. Hit up one of those celebrity music sites like gaystalker.com amazon.com or whydoyoureadthis.com last.fm. It’s there, just waiting for you to check it out.
Lily’s third nipple new album seems perky, but don’t let that fool you. If you take the time to examine it, you’ll realize how unusual it really is. Once you get your hands on it, you’re not going to want to let go. And believe me, you won’t be the first; people have been raving about her third nipple music for years now. Ever since her third nipple unique musical style was revealed to the public, people have been begging for more.
The nipple album, aptly named Mrs. Nippleton It’s Not Me, It’s You, is sure to be a big hit among people who aren’t familiar with her boobs work. Lily shows us the same bounce and willingness to expose herself musically that we’ve come to expect since her first album, Alright, Still came out.
For those of you who are already familiar with her nubbin work, you won’t be disappointed when you become reacquainted with it. It’s not really all that different than the last time you saw heard it, but that’s okay; there’s no need to tweak play it repeatedly. If you’ve got something that people like, just show it to them over and over again. I mean, sure, mix it up a little. You don’t want your nipples musical stylings to be over-exposed, after all. For every chick with a third nipple hit album, there’s a guy who’s tired of playing with it. But since Lily’s still relatively new in the “googling celebrity nipples” music scene, she can get away with showing us basically the same stuff she was showing us two years ago. We haven’t gotten so tired of her boobs music that we’re not willing to stare endlessly listen to her edgy, feisty sound whenever we get the chance.
All in all, there’s no reason not to grab her stuff; it’ll be totally worth it, and you’ll be keeping abreast of the hottest woman in music right now. (Ed. note: Err, should I change this? I have no idea.)
Song you should pay $1 for on iTunes, rather than downloading for free: “F*ck You.” Because I have the mental capacity of a ten-year-old and I like being able to type “F*ck You.” And “nipple.” Heh. Nipple nipple nipple. “The Fear,” the album’s first single. It’s an interesting perspective on the state of modern society, in the famous dance-friendly style Lily Allen is so well-known for. Ms. Allen proves that she has insights that go deeper than the “boys are jerks” songs of the past; she’s more than just a catchy hook and a cliché.
Rating: Fifty gajillion nipples.
(Ed. note: Screw it, I quit.)