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Review of Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida”

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Music Reviewer Darby Shaw shows his fanaticism towards Coldplay’s newish album from fiveColdplay Viva La Vida months ago, Viva La Vida Viva…or, whatever….

 

 

 

   Yes, yes, Coldplay’s back.  Blah blah blah.

   You remember Coldplay.  They were the English rock band that the radio deejays fell in love with a couple years ago, playing songs like “Clocks” and “The Scientist” until you were ready to throw yourself into traffic just so you wouldn’t have to hear them played one more time.  They take on charitable causes.  They don’t let their music be used in advertising (except for iPods).  They’re like the British version of U2, only less famous.  And less talented.  And less cool.  Lead singer Chris Martin is perhaps best known for being bold enough to legally bond himself to Gwyneth Paltrow and spawning oddly-named children like “Apple” and “Moses.”

   At any rate, I am well-aware that they have a new album.  Not because I am a dilligent and hard-working music critic for The Inept Owl.  Not because I have my finger on the pulse of the musical universe.  No, I know they have a new album because Sirius Satellite Radio won’t let me forget. 

   Coldplay recently occupied an entire Sirius channel for a week, so we could be subjected to hour after hour of Coldplay songs.  And when we weren’t hearing Coldplay songs–most notably the title track of their new album, “Viva La Vida”–we were hearing songs from other artists that Coldplay liked.  I’m pretty sure this wasn’t so much a voluntary marketing ploy on Sirius’ part so much as it was an Airheads-style takeover.  Eventually, Coldplay turned control of the station back over to Sirius, apparently upon the condition that “Viva La Vida” be played no less than five times an hour on every radio station Sirius has.  Sirius has complied to the letter.

   After hearing this album, I made up a quick list of essential pieces of information about this CD.  It would have been more comprehensive, but I realized I’d already wasted something like 300 words of my 500-word column ranting about Sirius.  Anywho, here is my list of things you should know about this new album:

  • “Viva La Vida” is Spanish for “We are pretentious douchebags.”
  • Actually, the title apparently refers to a painting by an acclaimed 20th century Mexican artist of whom I’ve never heard.
  • The cover art of the album, naturally, is a painting by an acclaimed 19th-centry French artist.  
  • It is a ten-track , 45-minute album, which means if you buy the tracks individually online, you’ll save 9 cents over buying the album as a single entity (this is important info).
  • Most of the tracks sound alike, so you can probably get away with just buying two or three.
  • The tracks also sound like all their previous albums, so you can just listen to those for free if you already own them.

   Song you should pay $1 for on iTunes, rather than downloading for free:  “Life in Technicolor.”  At 2:29, it’s the shortest track on the album, so you’ll suffer the least by listening to it. Plus, it’s the first track on the album, so even if you’d bought the entire CD, it’s the only song you’d have gotten through before you got bored and put in a Wallflowers CD.

Rating: 1 douche bag.  I’d give it 1.5, but that .5 would be kinda messy.

Chris Martin

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